Breaking down “The Model,” Part 2: Thoughts and Emotions

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We previously talked about feeling stuck in your circumstances and what to do about it (you can read that blog post here). We started with the difference between our circumstances and the way we think about them.

Today we’ll take you one step further: thoughts and emotions.

Our emotions can be a funny thing. Just the other day I was coaching someone and they used the term “catching feelings” referring to a romantic interest. I thought “how funny that people think they can just catch feelings.” As if feelings are like a contagious cold or something that just happens to us.

The truth is that we feel our emotions, in our own bodies, and our emotions originate in our minds. In the thoughts in our own minds, not anyone else’s.

The Catechism tells us that “The passions are natural components of the human psyche; they form the passageway and ensure the connection between the life of the senses and the life of the mind.” (CCC 1764)

Simply put, it’s how we experience our thoughts in our bodies. How we think is how we feel. So, we cannot “catch” feelings. Our emotions come from the thoughts in our minds that we are choosing to think.

THOUGHTS.

The next thing to know is the difference between a thought and an emotion. Remember that thoughts are your interpretations, judgments, opinions, perspectives, and stories about a specific circumstance. They come from our prior experiences and judgments of what we think is good or evil. Put simply, thoughts are just sentences in our minds.

Here’s an example: Our thoughts about our job might lead us to think that we’re stuck in our career, that there’s nothing new we can learn, and that there’s no fulfillment or enjoyment we can gain from it.

EMOTIONS.

Emotions are the feelings that come from our thoughts. When we have a thought, a reaction happens in our body — a kind of physical reaction to the thought. The brain releases chemicals that cause a sensation of pleasure or pain, happiness or anger.

Here’s an example: The thought that we’re stuck in our career and there’s nothing we can do about it causes us to feel bitter or resentful toward our co-workers and employer.

We tend to think that our emotions just happen to us. But that’s not the real story. Whenever we’re in a certain circumstance, we have a thought first, which leads to an emotion. But the thought happens so fast that we don’t notice it — and boom! — we find ourselves feeling the emotion.

TO PUT IT SIMPLY, THE WAY WE THINK DETERMINES THE WAY WE FEEL.

This is good news! It means your thoughts are optional and, therefore, so are your emotions. When you learn to recognize the thought that happens between your circumstances and your emotions, you can start changing your thoughts. This will lead you to freedom in your emotions, your relationships, and your sense of purpose in life.

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The Metanoia Catholic “Model” is the process we use to analyze our mindsets, bring them to the Lord, and find greater freedom. Here we’re going to begin breaking down the second part of The Model on “thoughts and emotions.” If you want to know more about our Model, check our podcast episode on The Model and its roots in Aquinas!

Are You Called To Be A Coach Or A Counselor?

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There are a lot of ways that you can accompany another to greater health and wellness. Two of the most common are coaching and counseling.

You might be asking, “Which would be a better fit for me, coaching or counseling?” You know they are different, but not enough to discern whether one fits you better.

It’s a common question we address when helping people discern our Catholic Mindset Coach Certification at Metanoia Catholic, and today I want to share some helpful questions we’ve used to help others discern if they should pursue a path in coaching or counseling.

Of note, I’m being intentionally general in the lines I draw between coaching and counseling. I get more specific in my podcast Coaching vs. Counseling vs. Spiritual Direction. 

If you feel like you need more help in your discernment…get a coach (see our Catholic Coach Directory)!

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Question 1: What gives you a greater sense of personal fulfillment?

I once spoke with a friend who started as a counselor and transitioned to coaching. He noticed the heaviness he felt when he’d come home after a full day of counseling. It was emotionally taxing, and the stress was impacting his marriage and family.

He also noticed that his peers weren’t experiencing the same emotional fatigue as he was working with clients who were mentally ill. People struggling with severe depression, anxiety, and diagnosable mental illness were, no surprise, the bulk of his clientele.

At the same time, he noticed he felt engaged and energized when helping someone move beyond healing to a place of thriving. Helping people grow on the positive psychology end of mental health proved to be more personally fulfilling.

  • Which do you find more personally fulfilling: conversations that help people who are hurting arrive at healing, or conversations that help people who want to grow in greater wellness start moving forward?

 

Question 2: Who do you want to help?

Which of the following scenarios fits you better?

Scenario 1: Do you want to help people overcome a diagnosable mental illness, or move from a place of mental illness to a baseline level of mental health? If so chances are you’d find counseling or therapy a better fit. The schooling for counseling and therapy has a heavier focus on forming practitioners to diagnose and treat mental illness. If this is you, you might find yourself saying:

  • I want to help people process their deep-seated traumas, or
  • I want to help people experience healing (which happens in coaching too, but is not the primary focus), or
  • I want to work with people on their past pains so they can have more freedom and mental health today.

As a general rule of thumb, counselors tend to look backward, while coaches look at the present and future.

Scenario 2: Do you want to help people who are mentally healthy progress to a place of greater thriving and wellness? Do you prefer a positive psychology approach to accompaniment which helps your clients identify what they do well and do it more excellently? Do you have a niche you wish to serve, like weight-loss, career advancement, emotional intelligence, fitness, nutrition, parenting, romantic relationships, etc.. 

If this is you, you might find yourself saying:

  • I worked with a coach and it transformed my life. I’d like to help others like that, or
  • I’d love to be in some role where I can professionally accompany someone, but I don’t want to go back to school and invest the time and money to become a counselor, or
  • I’d like to work with people pursuing excellence on the positive side of mental health. 

If you align more with the first scenario, the counseling and therapy path may fit you best. If you felt more resonance with the second scenario, you’d probably enjoy coaching more.

We have a fun quiz you can take that gives some insight on the type of coach you’d be. Click here to see if you are a Visionary, Commander, Healer, Guide, or Encourager coach.

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Question 3: What do you want to help people with?

This question is similar to questions 1 and 2, but approaches the discernment from a different angle.

How would you complete the following statement?

I want to help people with ____________ so that they can experience _________________.

Consider your answer: 

Bend towards counseling: Are you helping people predominantly on the lower end of the mental health spectrum, i.e. overcoming severe addiction, trauma, PTSD, depression, diagnosable mental disorders, or conditions that require specific therapies or medication? Is the primary goal healing, and getting them back to a functional place where they can begin moving forward with their life?

Or

Bend towards coaching: Are you helping people predominantly on the upper end of the mental health spectrum to advance in specific life skills, overcome specific challenges, or achieve goals? Is your hope that they will become the best version of themselves, achieve new levels of thriving, and find greater meaning and purpose?

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Where do you go from here?

Hopefully, these questions have revealed whether you lean more toward a career in coaching or counseling.

If you’d like to investigate Catholic coaching further, check out our blog How to Evaluate a Catholic Faith-Based Coaching Certification.

Are You Really Lost?

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On a Sunday afternoon last September, my husband, Eric, and I hopped into the car and headed off to Crossville, TN.  We planned to take five days for a couple’s retreat at the mountain resort. When you’re raising a large family, working in mission through the Church, and your husband is clergy, time away is essential. We both needed time spent in prayer to hear that still, small voice often missed amid busy schedules and the noise created by the world.

That Sunday had been so beautiful. Eric, as a newly ordained deacon, had the privilege of baptizing our first grandchild, Maria Christine, on the feast dedicated to her name’s sake, “The Holy Name of Mary”. (Nothing beats the smell of Chrism on a newly baptized baby!)

We had roughly a six and a half hour drive to our destination, and I spent most of it conversing with God about the blessings of the day, the blessings of being able to unplug for the next few days, and my gratitude for my family. Eric was busy listening to Catholic Radio as I prayed and journaled in my Metanoia Catholic Journal.

In my journaling my attention turned to a conversation I had been having with God for some time. He’d been asking me to head in a direction I was struggling with greatly.  The problem was that I could not see the outcome, and because of the uncertainty, I had been reluctant to take the first turn.  “What do you want from me God?  You know I have a hard time when I can’t see the outcome. How am I going to know if I am heading in the wrong direction?”

Outside it had grown dark and we were about an hour and half away from our destination. I remember looking at the GPS on the screen in our rental card and finding comfort seeing the familiar blue line highlighting the route to our destination. Seeing the destination gives such comfort when we’re traveling a road we’ve never traveled before. We want assurance before we proceed. We want to see the destination and to know it is attainable.

“In point two miles take a right on state route 200,” the GPS chimed. Eric turned the car and suddenly we went from a well-lit, four lane, highly traveled road to a very dark, winding, two lane mountain road. I mused to my husband that we were certainly in the “sticks” and that I expected Jeb and Granny Clampett to pass us at any minute. Twenty-eight minutes passed with only one car passing us from the other direction. The road had an eerie, lonely feeling to it.

As my husband navigated the very sharp and winding turns, I began to question where the GPS was taking us. He commented he was glad he no longer had vertigo because this would certainly make him sick.

Just as I was getting ready to ask him how long we were going to be on this road, he looked up and noted that the GPS was no longer changing. It had been showing we should turn right and continue route 200 for the last 15 minutes. This was not the news a “nervous Nelly” with control issues like me wanted to hear.  I hate being plunged into situations of uncertainty, and vulnerability. Surprises are certainly not my gig. (Hey, I’m a work in progress. I admit it!) God has been consistent in finding ways to take me out of my comfort zone and this was certainly one of them. My heart began to sink, and I started to get nervous. Eric noticed my grip tightening on the arm rest and said something about the GPS would change any minute. But it didn’t. The familiar blue line highlighting the way to our destination suddenly disappeared and our cell phones were showing no service. I found myself sitting in that familiar anxiety that surfaces every time I find myself faced with the unknown.

Truly reason does not live in this space of anxiety. My mind raced like that of a wild woman.  Silly thoughts like”‘If we break down, we won’t be able to get any help”, “We are not going to know where to turn”, “This road is taking us deeper into the unknown”, “We should have bought an atlas”,  “We are vulnerable”, “We are alone”, “We are lost” began to race through my mind. Every horror movie I had seen as a teenager flashed before my eyes.

I told Eric about my anxiety. The road was so eerie and, in some places, a low fog was setting in. I told Eric that in the pit of my stomach I had the same feeling that one could expect when Jason from “ Friday the Thirteenth” jumped out from the woods onto the front of the car. “Seriously Maggie, where is your trust,” he answered.  

I know, I know but situations like this are always hard for me. I want assurances.

“Maggie, this road will end somewhere. As long as it does not become a dirt road, I am not concerned.” Eric said. Not helpful, because no sooner did he say that we came to a fork in the road that looked like it ended at a dirt road. “Some sense of humor Lord.” I thought.  

Suddenly we heard the soft whisper of the GPS say, “In point three miles turn left on Highway 127.” The illuminating line had not come back, and we still had no signal. But the GPS was still gently guiding us to our destination. We turned in faith each time the GPS directed us to. We trusted it still had the memory of our destination.

After an hour and fifteen minutes we turned on to a more traveled road and the familiar illuminating blue line came back, cell service was restored, and our destination became visible once again on the map. Despite my anxiety of becoming the next “lost in the wilderness for days” story gone viral on Facebook or the next victims in a modern version of “Chainsaw Massacre,” we made it to our destination safe, sound, and within reasonable time.  

Even though I couldn’t see the end, God could. He was with us all along!

Seriously though, isn’t this what God does with us sometimes? He does not always show us the end when he asks something from us. He asks us to simply start. To trust. Mother Angelica would often speak about the need for this trust in God’s providence. If God asked her to start, she did. He did not always show her the how or even the why. Just start…

Mother Angelica ordered a $650K satellite dish for EWTN without knowing how God intended her to pay for it. When the truck showed up with the satellite, Mother retreated to the Chapel to pray. Suddenly a sister came in to inform her of a call she felt was urgent enough to interrupt a conversation with Jesus. On the other end was a man on the phone who had heard of her work and wanted to donate $650k to help her. How’s that for God’s Divine Providence?

In John 14:27 Christ tells us: “Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.” Even though we cannot see the outcome – He can. We need to have faith and listen to that still, small voice guiding us. Just start.  

My favorite Mother Angelica quote is, “Faith is one foot on the ground, one foot in the air, and a queasy feeling in the stomach.”

So, through prayer and with the help of the Holy Spirit, I’ve replaced that anxiety with courage and today I am just starting… one foot in the air, one foot on the ground, and a queasy feeling in the stomach.

The feelings in my body are the same: racing heart, queasy feeling in the stomach, rapid breath… the difference comes in the thoughts in my mind.  Instead of thoughts centered in fear in uncertainty they have switched to anticipation, hope and curiosity. I can’t wait to see what God has in store during this next chapter.

Are You a Wrong-Way Prophet?

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Hey y’all! It’s Mark and Abby, Resident Coaches here at Metanoia Catholic. We’re hopping on the blog today to share with you a raw part of our journey…  

As a newly married couple, it seemed like we were up against the world. It wasn’t long before we started having children, and we struggled to stay involved in our community with littles at home. It felt so isolating, and we really felt the negative effects from sin, the lack of mentorship, and, therefore, a lack of human formation in our lives.

We tried to work through our struggles together, but we were speaking two different languages and, inevitably, instead of controlling our emotions, we let our emotions control us. There were many days where our home felt so lonely and like never-ending chaos, rather than a place full of peace, connection, and creativity that we had hoped to raise our family in.

We read in scripture about Jonah, who’s sometimes referred to as “The Wrong-Way Prophet.” God is calling him to go to Nineveh, but instead, Jonah jumps on a boat headed to Tarshish in an attempt to flee and get “away from the presence of the Lord” (yea right). His choices wreak havoc (I’m shocked!), not only on himself, but also on the rest of the crew. He’s eventually found out and thrown overboard, where he gets swallowed up by a whale.

From the belly of the whale, Jonah cries out to God, oddly with a prayer of thanksgiving. Through a seemingly very unfortunate encounter between Jonah and the whale, Jonah experiences a change of heart… his very own metanoia moment. The next time God asks him to go to Nineveh, this time his heart is more closely conformed to God’s, and off to Nineveh he goes!  

Have you ever experienced a moment in your life where there was a dramatic change of heart? Like there’s no other way to explain it besides God just doing his thing and showing off his abundant love and mercy for you…?

Our “moment” was beginning our journey with Metanoia Catholic.

The mentorship and formation we received through coaching took our marriage from barely surviving to thriving. Our hearts were being more closely conformed to God’s, we began to speak the same language, and so naturally, we experienced a greater connection in our marriage than ever before.

Trials in marriage (and life) never quit coming, but we were finally playing on the same team, heading in a unified direction. The intimacy we experienced with one another and with God in the trials gave us a whole new perception of our marriage and the trials themselves. We were able to love one another, truly, like never before because we knew in a much deeper way the love God first had for us first. (1 John 4:19)

Like St. Paul, we’re convinced we’ve learned the secret to being content in every circumstance we find ourselves in (Philippians 4:12), and it’s not rocket science. It’s actually quite simple. Anyone can learn it!

This Lent, we’re inviting married Catholics to join our interactive group coaching experience, LENTtogether (https://linktr.ee/lenttogether ), to learn and apply the same skills to your marriage that helped us discover new depths in ours.

We’d love to help you stay on track this Lent and experience the greater connection and intimacy you’ve desired in your marriage and in your relationship with God.

God always honors our free will. He won’t pick us up and force us to our own respective “Ninevehs”. He waits for our “yes” and, as we turn our hearts to Him, we come to know in a much deeper way the love and mercy He is willing and ready to share with us.

What about you?

Is your marriage heading in the right direction? Or could it be going the wrong way?

Regardless, God’s invitation to more abundant love and mercy is yours for the taking this Lent.

Do you accept it?

We’re ready to journey with you this Lent and show you how Catholic Coaching can help you turn your sail and have you traveling full steam towards a “more abundant” marriage (John 10:10).

Are you in??? To learn more, check out: https://linktr.ee/lenttogether

Become an Irresistible Wife

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Marriage is not always easy. Frankly, it’s a saint-making machine!

Though when we stood at the altar with our rose colored glasses, we thought marriage would be a piece of cake (pun intended). Turns out, most of us experience both good and … well, not-so-good days. I want you to know that’s normal.

Most of us get into trouble when our expectations don’t align with our spouse’s and we try to take control, asserting what we believe is the “right” way (our “manual”).  Control and intimacy are polar opposites. If we choose control, it always costs intimacy. When we prioritize intimacy, it requires that we give up control.

On those days when you struggle in your marriage, feel unhappy, and wonder if he’ll ever change, that is exactly where coaching has the potential to ease your pain and turn it around.

In my own thirty-three-year marriage, I can find myself frustrated that my husband doesn’t do things the way I wish he would … like manage money, his time, or his health. Though I’ve tried to share my thoughts and suggestions, frankly, it often lands as criticism, no matter what my good intentions are.  I end up frustrated and unhappy, fearing what might happen in the future.

Through coaching, I have learned that the only one I have control over is me; I have no control over his decisions … even if I strongly believe that it’s prudent not to use credit cards, eat out frequently and to have an annual physical.

As I refocus on my locus of control (my own thoughts, emotions, beliefs), stop nagging and thinking I know what is best in his life (as much I hate to admit that), our relationship has spiraled up.

I don’t want to be his mother, or his manager.  That doesn’t do much for intimacy and connection in a marriage. Rather, I want to respect him as the expert in his life and a strong, capable man.

As a wife, I can spin in my thoughts about what he should be doing. It’s not easy to see blind spots and where I am stepping into control.  This is where coaching is so empowering. Having a coach walk with me and guide me to objectively look at how my thoughts are creating my reality has been a huge part of transforming my marriage.

Marriage doesn’t have to be a constant struggle.  

There are skills that can be learned to empower wives, and husbands don’t have to go to counseling! (This made my husband so happy as we always ended up arguing when we left a counselor’s office.)  

When a wife shifts, the entire relationship can shift.

So, no matter where you are in your marital journey: newlywed, knee deep in raising kiddos or empty nesting wondering how you drifted apart, THERE IS HOPE.

Christ led the way teaching us how to love. Most of us don’t do this well, lacking key skills that simply aren’t taught in schools or most families of origin.  Marital struggles might just be a blessing pointing us to our Savior, NOT to divorce court or living unhappily til death do us part.

Scripture tells us to take our thoughts captive, but how do we do that exactly?  Metanoia Catholic’s journal and coaching are the perfect tools.

As you take thoughts through the Reason Cycle, you’ll be empowered to intentionally shift and step into your power onto a pathway to a peaceful, happy life.

Let’s take the example of having a husband who eats out daily. When I think of this problem, I have a thought that he’s irresponsible, which leaves me feeling frustrated.  From this thought and emotion, I show up irritated, judgmental, critical, cold and resentful. I tell him that he’s irresponsible and doesn’t manage money well.  The outcome is an argument and ME being irresponsible trying to control my husband!

Before having this technique, I never would have taken my thought captive and persecuted it to see the impact it was having in my life:  creating exactly what I don’t want in life.

After reflecting on a series of questions and admitting that he’s not irresponsible 100% of the time, proven by how hard he works, I recognize that this is not a useful thought.

I intentionally choose a new empowering thought that, “He’s doing him and that’s ok. I want to be his lover, not his mother.”  This creates a feeling of release and freedom as I step out of judgment and into love, and I show up in a much more attractive manner, creating connection in our marriage.

I add the skills of self-care and gratitude to refocus my energy and my mind as I relinquish inappropriate control and intentionally choose to respect my husband.

If you’re struggling in your marriage, chances are it’s not your fault, nor your husband’s fault.  Rather, you’ve just never been taught the specific skills, including how to master your mindset, that truly work to create happy, lifelong marriages.

As a Certified Marriage Coach and Professionally Trained Metanoia Catholic Mindset Coach, I work with Catholic wives to teach the exact skills that redirected my husband and I off the road to divorce and onto the pathway of renewed love.

I stand boldly for marriage and family. If you need support, reach out.

Becoming a Gift

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I woke up Wednesday, April 27th, and silently whispered to myself, “It’s my birthday today.”

I have to say, I have dreaded my birthday these past few years. My husband and I have no children, and my birthday always seems to be a major trigger to this emptiness inside. Anyway, my morning continued.

My brother called. He joked about when we were kids and was pretty excited about my birthday. Instantly I started crying. The emotion of deep sadness was pulsating in my chest. I explained to my brother,”It’s just hard but I’ll be ok..”

I sunk into my bed and cried after the call. Quickly the thoughts escalated to, “Nobody understands,” and, “Jesus, you don’t care.” Self-pity rose up and I was headed down that road of self-sabotage!

However, thanks to my journey with Metanoia Catholic, I recovered within the hour! (Bear in mind that before, this downward spiral would have lasted days!)

Throughout the past year, I have been focusing my journaling and self-coaching around our journey of loss and desire. I have participated in coaching calls and have had first hand experience of touching this emotion of deep sadness, processing it and accepting it.

So, on Wednesday April 27th when I felt the pain and emotion of sadness, I was able to recognize it and give it to the Lord. Jesus held me in that moment, and then I caught the thought!

Throughout the past year of journaling the default thought has been,” He doesn’t hear my prayer. He has no plan for me.”

Bingo! I jumped up and reiterated again to myself. I captured these lies!

I could recognize these lies because I knew this was not the voice of God. Asking for His interpretation, I knew in my heart that my Father loves me, and He is a God who sees me.

“For I know well the plans I have for you, says the Lord; plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope,” (Jerimiah 29:11).

Leaning into the truth that He was offering to me, I decided that I would get all dolled up and head to Mass, eager to be in the presence of this God!

There I sat, in a small country parish Church in the west of Ireland, handing over my heartache and the pain of loss to Him. I was filled with peace, comfort and a hope that is not deceptive. It was a very special Mass. I was present to heaven at that Mass. I was real!

After Mass, I was alone in the Church praying a rosary. A lady came in and was crying. She was from Ukraine. We started a conversation with a hug and finished it with a smile. I thanked God for the opportunity to be able to be a motherly presence to this beautiful, lonely woman who has been separated from her family! Who says birthdays are for receiving gifts? I knew that I was able to offer this young woman support because I had first allowed the Lord to minister to me.

Matt often shares this quote by Pope John Paul II, which I think is very appropriate in this instance: “Man cannot fully find himself, except through a sincere gift of himself.”

I had the best birthday ever! It was all because I caught the thought that was leading to such a lonely and desperate place. Through God’s grace, He cast out the lies and led me to Truth, which set me free! Free to smile at my Husband and family in the evening and receive lots of birthday wishes!

Praise our God who gives a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Thank you Metanoia Catholic!

3 things that make a good Catholic coach

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Catholic coaching has a lot in common with other types of coaching, but there are some key differences. Here are three things that every good Catholic coach does:

1. You’re helping your client create virtuous goals.
Secular coaching focuses on earthly goals. While some of these goals are worthwhile, they’re insufficient. A Catholic coach goes back to the basics: God created us to live with Himself forever in heaven. We are placed on this earth to discover the path of love that will ultimately lead us to that goal. As a Catholic coach, your focus is helping your clients discover their unique vocation in this life so that they serve God here and be with Him in heaven.

2. You challenge your client to embrace objective truth and goodness.
Friends are there to give you empathy or advice. Good friends stay by your side no matter what you’re going through. While a coach should have empathy, your goal is to help your client take responsibility and move forward. This means establishing boundaries between yourself and your client, showing them their mind, and challenging them to discover and embrace objective truth and goodness.

3. You integrate Catholic anthropology and teaching into your coaching
When creating a coaching program, you don’t have to start from scratch. Catholic coaches are blessed to have two millennia of Catholic teaching and anthropology to build on. The insights from Scripture, the Catechism of the Catholic Church, St. Thomas Aquinas, Pope St. John Paul II, and the writings of other saints are treasuries of wisdom about our human condition.

The Metanoia Catholic Purgative Way coach training program is for anyone who loves abiding with people. Whether you already are a life coach, or you’re a teacher, priest, employer, or serve people in any capacity, you will be trained in excellent coaching techniques rooted in Catholic teaching and tradition. Over the course of four months, you will learn how to base your coaching on Catholic anthropology, master a simple and repeatable coaching method, and sharpen your mindset coaching skills together with other Catholic coaches.

Learn more about the Metanoia Catholic Purgative Way coach training program HERE!

5 Milestones: My Journey to Becoming a Catholic Mindset Coach

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This September I will celebrate a milestone birthday, which prompted me to consider other milestones in my life. Many moments came to mind and as I made a list, yet one big theme emerged—the most significant milestones led me closer to God.

So, what were my top five milestones? Well, I was the first in my family to earn a bachelor’s degree. In college I struggled with study habits, time management, finances, and grades, but I loved every minute being a student. I didn’t realize it at the time, but God’s grace provided me with a women’s fraternity filled with many supportive Catholic and Christian role models, fueled by high moral standards, and guided by a document that challenged us “to choose thoughtfully that course which occasion and conscience demand.” Thanks to the support of my sorority sisters, I grew as a campus leader and became a better student. With the encouragement of friends and mentors, I went on to earn a master’s degree, which provided me with a stable and satisfying career in higher education that continues to this day.

While I considered converting to Catholicism during my undergraduate years, it wasn’t until the sudden death of my father 30 years ago that I felt a stronger tug from the Holy Spirit. My dad’s death was not only a loss for our family, but the entire community of my small town. You see, my dad was a successful restaurant owner, community organizer, and family man known for his kindness, sense of humor, and love of our hometown. Dad’s Catholic values shined through his work every day in his generous nature, concern for the dignity of others, and simple lifestyle.

While my siblings and I were not raised Catholic, his faith in action was a strong testimony to us. As I grieved his loss, I felt called to start attending mass. I found the weekly routine familiar and comforting, as it reminded me of attending mass with Dad throughout my childhood. After two years of discernment, I enrolled in the parish’s RCIA program with a dear friend from work as my sponsor. This led to my third significant milestone, answering God’s call to join the fullness of faith.

I converted to Catholicism in the mid-1990s when many of my friends were pridefully leaving the Church during a confusing and tumultuous time. I found myself having to defend my decision to convert, which further convinced me that I was making the right decision.

My conversion was rewarded about a year later when I met my now husband, John. This fourth milestone requires a little more explanation to understand and recognize God’s hand in it. At the time, John and I lived about 12 miles apart and traveled in different circles. Honestly, we probably never would have met if I wasn’t Catholic. Why? The Holy Spirit, though a co-worker, encouraged me to place an ad in the “Women Seeking Men” section of a Chicago newspaper. One of the first things I said about myself was that I was Catholic. I also emphasized I was “marriage and family minded.” I was sure this phrase would deter most readers while attracting “Mr. Right.”

While taking a work-break, John read my ad and noticed “Catholic” right away. In an uncharacteristic move, he called me immediately away and left a voicemail. After talking on the phone several times, we finally met in person. He was impressed that I had given up meat for Lent, and as they say, the rest is history.

As a devout Catholic, John was able to help me continue to grow in my spiritual path and we’ve supported each other throughout our 20+ years of marriage. While we were not blessed with children of our own, over several years we served as host parents for international high school students from three regions of the world, and sharing their Catholic traditions enriched our understanding of the universality of Catholicism. With John’s encouragement, I applied to a doctoral program in higher education at Loyola University Chicago (my first taste of Catholic education) and after five long years of studying, I received my PhD in higher education. Our marriage was filled with many happy memories and blessed with a large family that includes five grandnieces and seven grandnephews.

While the other milestones took years to achieve, my fifth milestone took just about 12 hours. This milestone was a reminder of how quickly life can change.

On a cold November night, John and I drove to our cabin in the north woods of Michigan. Arriving late at night, we turned on the heat and went to sleep in anticipation of an enjoyable long weekend. About three o’clock in the morning (the hour of mercy) I woke up not feeling well. John went to the kitchen to pour a glass of water and returned to find me passed out on the floor. John was able to wake me and we began to understand something was terribly wrong. Little did we know, a rusted furnace pipe inside the walls was leaking carbon monoxide into our small cabin. I called a friend of ours who lived about an hour away and he was able to get emergency vehicles to our cabin. As I was on the phone with an emergency dispatcher who advised me to open all the windows, John struggled to stay coherent but throughout it all he never stopped praying for our Blessed Mother’s intercession and aid.

When we arrived at the ER, both of us had extremely high levels of carbon monoxide poisoning and received oxygen therapy while the doctors carefully monitored our vital signs. After about eight hours, we walked out of the ER with no side effects and our doctor declared our recoveries a true miracle. Thanks be to God!

This near-death experience was the catalyst for a deeper and more profound relationship with the Blessed Trinity –  for both of us. Renewed with an unshakable belief that we are here for a reason, we have committed ourselves to answering God’s call in our lives everyday.

The curious thing about a milestone is that one usually does not recognize a moment or achievement as “a milestone” until it has passed. That said, as I near the completion of the Metanoia Catholic Purgative Way coach training program, I can’t help but think that completing the program is yet another milestone in my spiritual journey. The past few months in Metanoia Catholic have been a time of exponential growth. I have gained a stronger awareness of my thoughts, emotions, and motivations through Metanoia Catholic’s one-of-a-kind curriculum, coaching practice drills, and opportunities to observe transformative coaching experiences. My daily routines have changed as I listen to Metanoia Catholic podcasts, read supplemental books, and study the materials provided in the 16-week course.

Yes, I am “all in.” I can feel a transformation occurring as I recognize how my strengths, education, work experiences, and God-given gifts are culminating in this new creation I am becoming. I am learning more and more about our Catholic faith and effective coaching strategies. It’s an exciting time filled with reflection, learning and action.

John and I have a marriage motto, “the best is yet to come.” God willing, I will accomplish several more milestones before I am called to my eternal rest. Until then, I will continue to enjoy my “second chance” and look forward to a life filled with more faith, hope, and love.

Yes, the best is yet to come.

5 Reasons Journaling Works

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Journaling is an exercise in self-reflection. It’s a great way to get a grasp on who you are and what God is calling you to do. The more you know about your true identity in Christ, the better you can give yourself in love to God and the people around you. Here are five ways journaling can improve your life and your relationships.

To begin your journaling journey, get your copy of “The Metanoia Daily Seven Journal.”

#1 Journaling slows down your thinking

Our brains move faster than our pens. Journaling is a way you can push the brakes on your thoughts and analyze them before they get buried or forgotten or before they lead you to act too quickly.

Here’s an example: You fall in love, which means you’re experiencing a rush of thoughts and emotions. You write these experiences down and analyze them, letting your head lead your heart.

#2 Journaling creates order out of chaos

Controlling your thoughts can feel like herding cats. Once you capture individual thoughts through writing, you can start to put them in order. Journaling helps you see connections between thoughts that you otherwise would have overlooked.

Here’s an example: You’re a student trying to decide on a career, but have no idea
what you want to do. You journal your daily activities and future dreams and begin to
see patterns that point you in the right direction.

#3 Journaling brings light into the darkness

This is the scary side of journaling. It risks bringing out negative thoughts, sins, and feelings you may have suppressed. Just as you can’t always cure a physical disease without revealing it to a doctor, you can’t overcome your negative thoughts without bringing them to light and examining them objectively.

Here’s an example: You were abused as a child. As hard as it is to bring up this
memory, writing your thoughts in a journal can help you see how it may be controlling your behavior in negative ways. This puts you in a better position to lay your hurt before God and a human counselor to find healing.

#4 Journaling helps you grow in gratitude

Anxiety has a way of masking our blessings. When you take the time to examine your day and write down your blessings, you become aware of all that God has done for you. Gratitude is a virtue you have to exercise daily. A journal is like a spiritual gym to help you grow in gratitude.

Here’s an example: You have a rocky relationship with your father. By journaling your experiences, you become more aware of the reality of the situation and where God is in the midst of it and can be thankful for it. Gratitude can provide the foundation for knowing how to move forward.

#5 Journaling helps you hear God’s voice in prayer

This is the most important part! Journaling should be a prayer, a personal dialogue between you and God. God is always there and ready to talk to you. By journaling your conversations with our Heavenly Father, you may be surprised at what insights you uncover!

Here’s an example: You want to practice more charity in your life. By including God in
your journaling, you are allowing Him to highlight the specific gifts He has given you. Then you can share them with others.

To dig deeper, check out our podcast episode “Why Journaling? The Science and Psychology.”

A Conversion and Healing of Identity

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Growing up, I had a knack for pleasing people, for being what they wanted of me; the affirmation felt great. Later, in young adulthood, I morphed into putting on others’ “characterisms” over my personality, like a blazer that made me look corporate, or a strength or goal that showed I was in the club and on the right track.

For a long time, I continued conforming my obscured identity to the ways of the world while looking for and wondering who I actually was, without all the put-ons. And, when I finally found out, it took quite a while to reconcile the old, eclectic self I had built with my true self.

We do that don’t we? We try on parts of someone else’s perceived identity attempting to piece together our own. That is, until we find that their article of identity didn’t fit us well at all, and, in fact, made us feel uncomfortable in our own being.

It’s all part of the experience, they say.

Maybe some would say that’s part of the experience of finding out who you are. Some great thinkers, like Thomas Aquinas and Erik Erikson, might agree with that to a degree, yet, do my experiences and related choices inherently become who I am?

The definition of identity is “the fact of being who or what a person or thing is” (Oxford English Dictionary Online, 2023). When we are confused about or do not know who or what we are, we can experience, then, an “identity crisis”, which is, “a period of uncertainty and confusion in which a person’s sense of identity becomes insecure.” (Ibid.) I would say, then, that to be secure in my identity, I would have certitude as to the truth of who I am, what I am, and why I am.

So, how can I have certitude if my identity is as fluid as the passing ideas, experiences, and choices of my life? And, if I can have certainty in who I am, then why does my identity become insecure to begin with? Why did I spend so long in this state of insecurity, confusion and searching? Why was I not secure in the way my experiences and choices formed my identity?

What is the truth?

It must be said, then, if it is indeed a fact that I can be who I am, there must be the truth of who I am.

As I continued in adulthood, and as confused identity covered the world as a culture-wide pandemic, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that there are three capital reasons why the identity of my self, my soul, was lost on me.

  1. Not knowing why and who and what I was made for, which led to…
  2. Not accepting why or who or what I was made for, due to a…
  3. Lack of proper formation in the Truth.

You see, since my education was left solely to the bewildering state of loud, competing, and fleeting ideas which the world offers, it meant that my formation, and, therefore, beliefs were as unstable as its cultural trends. It left me, as so many are, completely wanting, longing for, as to the truth of who I was, where I fit in at, and, therefore, a gaping soul hole beckoned for the nearest shiny accessory within my reach to identify with. And, this is how I knew that I was believing a lie about my identity – soul holes.

By grace, I now see that the many ideas that I entertain as thoughts and let inform my reason, can, then, with an act of my will, become beliefs and be incorporated into my truth. This is my formation, for better or for worse. Also, that identity is a matter of knowing the truth of who I am and choosing to believe it. And, finally, that no ill-fitting and malformed idea-turned-belief will ever suffice for the objective Truth, even if I choose to elevate a lie as a belief for a while. It will eventually rub a blister on my soul.

So, who am I?

After years of being stripped, I can conclude that my identity may be adorned and formed by experiences, choices, temperaments, and all that I pick up and lay down along my way in this life, but, at the core, the rock-solid, unchanging truth of my identity is that I was unrepeatedly created in and through Love, that my unique gifts and talents were bestowed upon me to know, to reveal, and to be this unifying Love, that I am to live unto eternal perfection with Love, and, one day, I can hope to rejoin Love in divine Beatitude.

Period. It is finished.

No soul holes.

And, while all the other facets that make up who I am accumulate by way of life and may hang upon this true identity, they are only there by my choice to complement the unchangeable Truth of who I am. And, I finally have peace within me.

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