Thomas Aquinas and my Lying Toddler

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I’d heard her stretch the truth before, but never to this degree. All of a sudden, it felt like every interaction with my sweet, smart, helpful little girl was becoming riddled with lies, and as her mama I was not handling it well.

Where was this coming from?!

Who had modeled this behavior for her??

I looked to place blame. I was insulted and impatient. The underlying fear, “She’s turning into a bad kid,” (hello dramatic brain) was turning ME into a bad mom, — or at least a less-than-ideal one — and I couldn’t seem to find my way out.

Fast forward to that week’s lesson in Metanoia’s Catholic Coaching Foundations program. I sat beside my husband and listened to Matt and Erin’s description of St Thomas Aquinas’ Ontological Man. As they walked us through his mapping of the human mind, I scribbled furiously in my notebook trying to keep up.

Passive intellect? Okay.

Common sense power? Got it.

Memory and imagination? I’m tracking.

Cogitative power? …Come again?

I soon learned that the cogitative power is the power of association in the material part of the mind. It’s used to compare, contrast, and make basic judgments like “good” “bad” or “useful” and is especially active in young children… children below the age of reason. As I continued to listen my mind quickly went to my four-year-old, and I had to pause the lesson.

She’s simply made an association!

She’s not trying to offend me!

She’s got no malice in her heart!

She just thinks lying is useful!

“If I lie to cover up what I did, maybe I can avoid the consequence.”

“If I lie to tell Mama what she wants to hear, maybe I’ll make her happy.”

It made total sense!

“In that case…” I thought, “If it’s true that she’s simply associated lying with usefulness, maybe I can stop reacting like a crazy person and simply take steps to lovingly peel back the old association and help her form a new one.”

Cue the relief.

So, that’s what I went on to do. From a place of peace and understanding, I approached each new instance of lying with the goal of forming a new association. We talked about how lying might seem good but emphasized why that’s not the case. We talked about the importance of trust in relationships, and about God’s instruction to tell the truth. And if none of that stuck, she quickly learned that lying meant an extended conversation on mama’s lap away from her coloring pages and play dough, which was so not worth it.

Lying = useful NO MORE!

Of course new behaviors have since cropped up, and will continue to along this parenthood journey, but this scenario with my toddler highlighted for me the immense beauty and power of mindset work and Catholicism combined. What a powerhouse duo!

When I joined Catholic Coaching Foundations, I had no clue whether I’d ever coach a client, but I DID know that this teaching, this work, and this community would equip me to serve my family better… and I’m so grateful that’s proven to be the case!

What Makes You Significant?

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Can you answer that question? What makes you significant? Can you identify something that makes you distinct from the rest of mankind, as unique as your fingerprint, irreplaceable and unrepeatable? I ask you because I…could not.

I’ll never forget that moment. After going on in my coaching session about how my husband’s response was hurtful because it made me feel so insignificant. Erin Ingold asked me,

“What makes you significant, Nora? What about YOU is significant?”

I couldn’t answer her question. I had no words, but I became determined to find them. That question became my mission, a mission of seeking to know and embrace my identity.

I started small, listing things I could say that I was: woman, daughter, mother, wife. I wanted to get to the root – something that I had no part in becoming, so I started with daughter, and I used the tool Erin taught me that has changed my life and has given the world so much more depth and meaning…I looked up the definition and the etymology of the some words, starting with daughter and then I took that to prayer.

Daughter (definition) – “the female offspring of human parents”

Daughter (etymology) – “anything regarded as feminine with regard to its source”

The definition was pretty clear, but the etymology intrigued me. What is my source? God, of course, but what does “source” mean?

Source (definition) – “a place, person, or thing from which something comes or can be obtained.”

Source (etymology) – “first cause”, “to lead, rule”

First cause…the uncaused cause, the unmoved mover. He is my Source. The Thing from which I came and the one by whom my life can be led and ruled by. I liked this.

In another coaching session when I was struggling with this theme again, Erin described the significance of my existence in the most beautiful way. She said that the Lord remembers me into existence in every single moment. To remember someone is to bring them to mind. It is an active choice of the will to remember something or someone. That means I exist as a choice, that I exist on purpose. I exist for a reason, whether I know that reason or not.

In meditating upon this idea, my thoughts took it a step further with the visual of God continually breathing me into existence. I realized that I think I choose to initiate a breath, but in a spiritual sense (and perhaps a physical one too), I am breathing in, in a rhythmic response with the Lord’s breathing out. My inhale is cued by his exhale. In this sense, every inhale and exhale of mine is a response to God…that is prayer!

The Catechism says that we are constantly being pursued by God, and when we remember to pray, it is simply a response of the beloved to the

Lover. The Lover of my soul continuously remembers me into existence meaning every breath I take is significant…powerful.

The next word I looked up was the word significance, defined as, “when the meaning of something has reached a value beyond itself.”

Meaning, defined as, “a definition that explains something to be understood,” essentially, what it is vs. Significance which indicates its worth.

So, essentially, significance could be seen as, “when I am more valuable than what I am.”

I am a human being, a daughter of other human beings, but what makes me MORE than that is what in me is of God, my source.

If God is all-knowing, all-powerful, all-good and eternal, then I decided that it was what in me has the capacity for eternity that must be of God, and the short answer to that is my soul. We’ve all been taught that our souls never die, however, there was an additional nuance to this that further developed my understanding.

Something else I have learned in the Metanoia Catholic Academy is that my Intellect and my Will – my ability to reason and choose – are actually powers of my soul. The same thing that the Almighty does: think (omniscient) and choose(omnipotent), I can do also, albeit in a more limited way.

Finally, I looked up the etymology of the word significance. From the latin significantia – “meaning, force, energy…importance.”

Force and energy, that’s power. My Will is the most powerful tool at my disposal, but it is informed by my Intellect. Trying to piece this together, I determined that I must know my identity because it gives meaning and importance to my existence. From this, I can use the power of my Will well. Utilizing both powers of the soul allows me to live in the reality of my significance.

When I am able to rest in my identity, significance is something that simply exists in me because of who I am in God’s eyes. It has nothing to do with what I do, but can affect everything I choose to do from that place. When I act from that place through the use of my Will, I am honoring the significance I know I have in me.

The last thing I want to point out is that because my Intellect and Will are of God, they long to return to God. So, when they are aligned with Him in knowing the Good and choosing the Good, they ultimately allow me to aim my life so that it reunites my soul with its source in that eternal place. You see, the reason for which I was made by love, for love, in love and through love was ultimately to return to Love, to God Himself.

In short, I was made to be a saint. Now that is pretty darn significant!

Why Considering Your State Is Essential To Good Decision-Making

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We’ve been doing a lot of workshops in our Metanoia Catholic Academy recently to help people discern God’s voice, God’s will, and the desires of their own hearts. These are all skills that are important to master as a Christian if we want to live a life that is purpose-filled, excellent, and sanctifying.

But often, we see clients feeling stressed and overwhelmed when they fail to bring in the reality of their current circumstances when making a decision.

Desire is important, but Vocation, obligations, and seasons of life are also important to consider when you find yourself at a decision point in life. When we do, certain options are often quickly dismissed and the clear way forward jumps right off the page.

How does Vocation factor into decision-making?

Here, we’re considering the primary Christian Vocations of marriage, priesthood and religious life, or consecrated singles (of note single and discerning your Vocation is not a Vocation, but more a season of life).

What are the terms of your Vocational vows? Each Christian Vocation has vows that define the terms of the vocation. These are objective terms that guide us to live our Vocations faithfully and excellently. When we live by the vows of our Vocation, they are able to have their sanctifying effect on us. (This is where creating your own wedding vows can really be a disservice to a couple, as it redefines the terms of their marriage based on their own perception of excellence, rather than God’s.)

Do you have a decision that is pulling you away from the vows of your Vocation? For a married couple, this could be a job opportunity that is going to demand excessive time away from home as a wife or husband – or a pursuit that is going to cause you to compromise the formation of your children in the Faith. Arguably, such options would not be in keeping with your vows and should probably be removed from the list of considerable possibilities.

As a parish priest, you might have a special charism for speaking and teaching which results in a growing invitation list to speak across the country. But would this compromise your fidelity to your primary flock? I know priests like this who refuse speaking gigs that will prevent them from celebrating Sunday mass with their parish. They won’t compromise their vow to their flock, even though one could argue that they could impact more lives by “going on tour.”

Write out the vows of your Vocation, and if you have a decision before you, consider how your options will allow you to best remain faithful to your vows. This may entail growing in understanding of your vows and what they mean. This is where trusted, good counsel is very helpful.

To go against your vows would only cause harm to you, your loved ones, and your eternal soul.

How do I factor the current obligations of my present state in life when making a decision?

When we consider our present (keyword present) state in life and its obligations, we can begin considering how our decisions will help us live more, or less, excellently in our current state.

Consider a decision on how we consume media.

We live in a world with a 24-hour news cycle. Some of us, based on our state in life, (for example, public servants and elected officials) have a greater need to be apprised of what’s going on in the world or local politics. Given their state, they have a responsibility to know these things. It makes them more excellent at their role in creating excellent public policy.

But for the average citizen who, beyond voting and writing their congressman, does not have this direct responsibility to create public policy, they have a decreased need to be astute to the happenings of international or local politics. Yet how often do we choose to spend ourselves consuming political podcasts, books, and the 24-hour news cycle to a point of gluttony.

The same consideration could be applied for how big our paycheck needs to be. Arguably, a father providing for a family of eight will need more financial resources than that of a single man. That father of eight, may also value a stable and lower base salary than a fluctuating variable compensation with a higher earning potential. (Mind you, I am offering these examples not as universal principles for all married men with families of eight. The nuances of each situation must always be considered. There are certainly moms and dads who are providing well and stably on a variable compensation plan.)  For example, I know my wife and I were willing to take more financial risks early in our marriage than we are now that we have a daughter preparing to go to school.

We want our decisions to be virtuous, meaning that they are inclining us toward living excellently. Living excellently as a single woman with no children looks differently than that of a homeschooling mom with seven kids.

If we think the obligations of our state in life are restricting, in some ways, you are correct. We may not like our boss, but if we want to be excellent in our job, we will want to consider how to be obedient to his or her requests. Of course, you are free to disobey your boss (objectively contrary to being obedient to your state in life, assuming it is a moral request from your boss), but this will not, and can not, lead to excellence in your job – nor excellence in your life.

Consider the present obligations of your current state in life. Write them down, and choose to recommit to them.

How do I factor the season of my life when making decisions?

There are different seasons of life. By definition, these have a starting and ending point.

  • We all enter a season of Vocational discernment at some point in life, typically in our twenties and early thirties.
  • If married, we typically have a season (minimally 9-months) when we are alone in our home, followed bya season of little kids, teenagers, and eventually, a season as empty-nesters.
  • If we take a new role, there is a season of learning the new role followed by a season of growing more excellent in that role.

For each of these seasons of life there are ways of living more excellently based on the purpose of that season. When we resist the nature of these seasons of life, we often cause ourselves unnecessary pain.

I once had a client who got a promotion. He was entering a season of discovering what it meant to be excellent in his new role. But, he had an unfair demand on himself to immediately be perfect in this new role. It led to him avoiding asking questions and doing the things to grow in knowledge of his new responsibilities. By resisting this season of learning, he was denying its ability to prepare him for the following season of being excellent in his new role.

I’ve also coached moms with little children who have desires to launch new businesses. But consider the demands of this season of life. Little children are not able to make their own meals, put on their own clothes, change their diapers, or wipe their own butts! There are obligations specific to this season of life that, if we are going to endure it with excellence, will demand a mom’s focus away from her business aspirations. This does not mean that she cannot pursue this desire, but it may mean that it will take longer with work being confined to nap time.

And consider this, too. These seasons of our life have a way of perfecting us.

Consider this season of having small children in the home. Marie Montessori, founder of the Montessori education paradigm, shared that we need to submit to the apostolate of the child. This means that these little ones are having just as much a formative effect on us as we are on them. It’d be a shame to wish this formative experience away or farm it out excessively to childcare or nannies (key word – excessively – PARENTS NEED BABYSITTERS!) to pursue a goal that is withdrawing us from the perfective power of our present season in life.

Conclusion

We desire to live excellently and freely, and can often think that our Vocation, present state in life, or present season of life are restrictions working against us. But this is not a Christian perspective. In fact, bondage vice, and addiction happens when we choose to be obedient only to our passions. By growing in understanding of what it means to live our Vocations, state in life, and season of life excellently, we can experience their purifying effects that increase virtue in us—the fruits of which, according to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, are the very freedom we seek.

“The Right Fit”

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Whether it’s the right workplace, business style, coach, or target audience, finding the right fit is key.

In my own career and life journey, I’ve learned that it all starts with knowing and accepting who I am, how I am designed, and then cultivating the right internal and external conditions to discover what works and what doesn’t; where I thrive and excel; what or who I need; and what others need too. Many times, I have chosen paths or people that were not a good fit or that drained my energy and motivation, only to discover that they were redirecting me to my authentic self and a more life-giving path and place.

As an innovative introvert, I really struggled with creating the optimal internal and external space that would allow me to process and discern my thoughts and emotions better, to reflect more in solitude, and allow my creative side to shine.

As a melancholic, I tend toward overanalysis, perfectionism, and find it hard to connect with people in larger groups or busier work environments. However, I am very relational, empathetic, collaborative, strategic and deep. I value quality, meaning and working towards a common mission with others. Enter Metanoia Catholic.

I learned about the Reason Cycle and that our thoughts lead to our emotions, which lead to our actions, and that, ultimately, those thoughts are optional. What freedom! I learned about my temperament and strengths, what motivates me and triggers me, and what my ideal conditions are. Knowing more about my temperament, strengths, and unique style has allowed me to show up better, contribute more, and ask for what I need. It has allowed me to embrace my weaknesses and vices and given me the courage to ask for help, especially through group and 1-on-1 coaching, and to rely on others more who compliment me or are further ahead on the journey.

I’ve learned that although I cannot control my circumstances, I can control what I choose to believe about them, God, myself, and others and to discern where is best for me to give my time, energy, talents, and resources. In Metanoia Catholic’s Catholic Coach training program, I learned how to walk others through the process of capturing their thoughts and feelings and am now coaching others to do it. All of this has enabled me to create a home/workspace where I can set boundaries and create the conditions I need to be me and show up well for my family, friends, and clients, working from my strengths and gifts while honoring my temperament and unique coaching style and pace. It has also cultivated my interior life so I can make better decisions with God and show up more present in prayer.

Getting coached by others has allowed me to see myself and my circumstances from a more grace-filled and neutral perspective, while strengths coaching has allowed me to see how I and others are wired and to “name, claim, tame and aim” those contributions in the right direction toward virtue and interdependence.

Being a part of this Catholic community of coaches has changed my life and helped me discover my fit. I don’t need to “fit in” anymore. I have permission to stand out and help others do the same.

I am now a Catholic Career Transition and Life Coach who guides Catholic Women Professionals on a journey of self-discovery and exploration where they become more aware of their natural strengths, spiritual gifts and temperament, their roadblocks, desires and interests, their story/journey/experiences, and look at them from a place of acceptance, curiosity, and adventure. We explore work or business opportunities that align with who they are, their passions, what they distinctly have to offer and who they are uniquely called to serve that allows them to live a full and integrated life of purpose and abundance in line with their values and priorities. I also help them optimize their external environment by helping them create or find an ideal workspace or environment and manage their mind and emotions – their internal environment while they navigate their career or work-life transition.

For more information about Boutique Coaching Connections and my customized coaching services, contact me at boutiquecoachingconnections@gmail.com or join our Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/197572182143486.

Welcome to October – The Month of Change

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Welcome to October – the month full of falling leaves, pumpkin spice and festive fall gatherings as we wait with such anticipation for the true change in seasons! Oh, and in the Catholic Church, a month packed with power-house feast days to celebrate, like St. Therese of Lisieux, our Guardian Angels, St. Francis of Assissi, St. Faustina, Our Lady of the Rosary, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Luke, St. John Paul II, St. Jude and more – all leading up to  All Saints Day on November 1st!

(All you holy men and women, pray for us!)

Even though it is still 80 degrees and humid in my neck of the woods, I am stoked that it is October and am soooo ready for fall! I love the tastes, smells and sights of the fall and winter months. I have been ready to curl up in a sweatshirt, sip hot tea and breathe in the crisp, cool air since, well, a long while now.

I was working at a coffee shop one day last week. To the left of the counter sat a cute little decorative sign with pumpkins on it that read, “October is proof that change is beautiful.”

I think I need that sign.

Ever since I was a little girl, I believed the thought and bought into the narrative that change is hard. I fought change, holding on to current realities and traditions with all of my might. Even in college (and well beyond), I resisted the urge to grow because I was afraid of letting go of how things “used to be.” I told myself that change was bad and that I would never like it. I believed change was scary and something to resist rather than welcome or even, at the very least, just accept.

As you can imagine, these thoughts became self-fulling prophecies as they led to lots of tears, heartaches and difficulties transitioning and fitting into new stages in life. Honestly, it took until last year to realize just how much consenting to those unchallenged thoughts about change was keeping me stuck and adding unnecessary drama to my life.

Tradition isn’t bad and not everything needs to change. Heck, the Catholic Church has been the same for the past 2,000 years and that’s a good thing. It isn’t supposed to change. (Hence why Jesus instituted apostolic succession and why the traditional aspects of our faith are so revered.)

But we (you and I) are supposed to change.

And we should want to change.

Looking back, I am glad I am not the same person I was in high school, during my freshman year of college, last year or even at the beginning of this summer. I am proud of the ways I have grown and matured and continued to develop and purify my mind and desires. Guess what? That’s change. Good change.

Four months ago I didn’t have a job, know where I was going to live, have any idea how I was going to get involved in a new community or what time with my family was going to look like. Transitioning from working as a campus missionary to serving in this new role with Metanoia Catholic is a change. Moving from Champaign, Illinois, back to Kansas City is a change. Going to various young adult events and gatherings throughout the city to try and meet new people is a BIG change from being surrounded by teammates, roommates and students everywhere I went on campus. Creating a rhythm of life with my family who I live with and see on a daily basis, as opposed to a weekend visit once every other month, is a change. But these all are really good things!

In the past four months I have had new opportunities that I have only dreamed about! I have met new people who have transformed my life and blessed me abundantly. I have gotten to be a part of a team and contribute to a mission that I believe in and know the Lord is using to transform and heal my own heart. I have received invitations to travel and experience new places and cultures in ways that were not possible when I was so tied to a school schedule. I have spent weeknights at my cousin’s soccer games, helped my sister move, helped care for my aging grandparents and have been a part of more family dinners than I have in over seven years!

REALLY GOOD THINGS.

Whether they are big or little changes, being in a state of transition has definitely given me a new opportunity to evaluate how I think about change and plenty of practice for choosing thoughts that incline me toward continued growth, rather than stagnation, disappointment, jealousy and regret.

Want to know how a thought is serving you? The quickest way I have learned is to look at its fruit.

While I was choosing to believe change was bad and something to be feared, I woke up every day and told myself, “I’m homesick.” I was afraid that if I didn’t tell myself I was homesick it meant I didn’t miss or care about my family who was six hours away. I was afraid my love for them and desire to move back to Kansas City or to spend time with them was going to fade and be replaced. I was so consumed with these thoughts that I made myself pretty miserable.

What kind of fruit is that? It was pretty rotten fruit. Yuck.

And I felt “yuck” too. I felt anxious. I felt tired. I felt confused and conflicted about the work I had perceived the Lord had called me to do. I felt not good enough, not strong enough and not holy enough.

I experienced feeling stuck and unable to move forward toward my goals because of the fear that had built up as a result of the negative thoughts I had about change. I actually chose thoughts on purpose that would prevent me from growing because I was so afraid of what, or rather who, I would become.

Do you think those thoughts were from the Lord? HECK NO!

Why was I allowing this fear of change to rule and control my life? I didn’t have a reason other than my thoughts had never been challenged. But, I wasn’t about to give the enemy any more time or power over me. I had dreams I knew were placed on my heart by God. I had a purpose. I had a mission. So, I took my thoughts back!

I still have a lot of work to do on how I perceive change. I still need to ask the Lord to strengthen my mind and my heart and defend me when the fear starts to creep back in. But I am becoming much more aware of the thoughts I allow and trying to be more vigilant about the narratives I choose to believe. Now when I think of change, I try to pause and imagine the changing gold, red and orange leaves of fall. I think of the changing tide and let my mind take me to the lakefront where I have encountered the Lord and felt His sure and steady hand guiding me into the unknown. Those thoughts lead to emotions of peace, hope and joy. From here, it is exciting to consider change. I believe I am empowered, adventurous and courageous.

Do you think these thoughts are from the Lord? Absolutely!

How are your thoughts serving you? Is there a thought that has gone unchallenged in your life? How do your emotions fuel the action (or inaction) occurring in your life?

I invite you to attend Metanoia Catholic’s LIVE monthly workshop: How to Use Emotion to Fuel Action on Tuesday October 5, 2021 at 11:00AM ET.

This workshop will elaborate on how to choose thoughts that lead to emotions that will actually propel you forward toward your goals.

You can register for this LIVE workshop in the Metanoia Catholic Academy or by clicking on the registration link here. A replay of this workshop will be made available immediately following the conclusion of the live event inside the Metanoia Catholic Academy.

I truly am so grateful for you! Thanks for being here.

Hannah

P.S. You can find the October workshop: How to Use Emotion to Fuel Action in the Metanoia Catholic Academy by logging in (don’t forget to copy and paste your password for best results). Once you are at the Academy landing page, click on “Monthly Workshops and Self-Study” then “Monthly Workshops” on the left hand side of your screen. (Audio and video replays will be posted here by the end of the day on October 5, 2021.) As always email, support@metanoiacatholic.com if you need assistance!

Welcoming Disappointment in the New Year

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What are your thoughts and feelings regarding setting New Year’s goals or resolutions?

For me, I first get excited! I have so many ideas of how I want to commit to growing, because I have so many areas of my life where I am still a work in progress!!  I can see in my mind, the new journal and planner. I can visualize a spreadsheet color-coded with all the different goals and tracking my progress.

The thought in my head is: “The planner, journal and spreadsheet, will bring me perfection.”  

All of this goes on in my mind, and then I sit with the new journal and planner. Oh, and the new pen, ready to write down the goals I want to achieve and the steps I need to take!

I become completely overwhelmed, and my phlegmatic temperament kicks in with thoughts like, “This is a bit hard isn’t it?”and  “What’s the point?”  

My brain reminds me of all the times in the past that I tried and failed.

“You don’t want to be putting yourself through that disappointment again!”

And so the journal and planner sit unopened on my desk – screaming “you are a failure” for a few weeks until I’d eventually move it to the drawer out of sight, waiting for the next new year!!

That was the old me.

Through my journey with Metanoia Catholic and my training to become a certified Catholic coach, I have learned so much about goal setting.

Firstly, I’ve learned that goal setting is good! To have a goal and be working towards it gives purpose and meaning and an opportunity to grow in virtue.

To know your why, why is this goal important, to keep asking yourself why until you are really clear, and to remind yourself often of your why, particularly on those days when you feel like giving up is good!

Slow and steady wins the race. Better to be taking small steps than being stuck in overwhelm or confusion.

Perfection, nice and all as it sounds, (it’s a pretty thought!) is not my friend but my enemy, and it keeps me swirling around and around, getting more and more confused. Stopping this cycle and taking one small step gets me off the merry go round and back into clarity.

Focusing on the successes, the small wins, and what I’ve achieved to-date is much more helpful than trying to figure everything out in one go. I think of the Gospel passage of Peter stepping out of the boat and walking on the water. Once his focus was on Jesus, he was walking tall, but as soon as he switched his focus to the wind and the enormity of what he was doing, he started to sink.  Once I focus on the next step with Jesus, all is good.  

Just the next right step Jesus, show me the next right step has become an important prayer for me.

All of the above is like treasure I’ve uncovered as I’ve journeyed, but the real gold was when I discovered thoughts about how I perceived God was holding out on me.

Permit me, a minute or two to tell the story.

This summer has been challenging. We canceled our family holiday because of Covid; a 5-night stay in hospital for our beloved puppy; a car accident (thankfully no-one injured), are just a few of the challenges we faced. And my thoughts around it all, “It’s a season of testing”, “It’s a hard season everyone goes through them”, “If I could only pray more, fast more, figure out the lesson God is teaching me, and study and pass the exam, then I could move out of this season”

These were some of the thoughts that were limiting my hope and confidence moving forward until one evening, while I sat with some of my closest friends, ladies who know and love Jesus, and one asked me and where did you go with all that disappointment?  

(As coaches we know the power of the right question at the right time!)

My response – tears! Because in that moment, I realized the truth. I hadn’t perceived all that happened over the summer as something to be disappointed about but rather I had seen it at some big test I had to get through. I felt frustrated and angry, and as a result, I turned to self-reliance. And God, well he was the examiner. (Forgive me, Heavenly Father!)

As I prayed and journaled the next day, I realized that disappointment is a big word for me, and that I do and don’t do lots of things to avoid feeling disappointment. (But that’s a story for another time.)

I wasn’t even sure if I knew how to feel disappointment. II had lots of thoughts about how hard it would be, but God, in his kindness, didn’t waste any time. A few nights later, I was with another group of Jesus-loving women, and we were making Christmas wreaths. As I pushed the last piece in, (in an effort to make it perfect!!), the whole thing broke into four pieces – right there in front of everyone!

Staring in disbelief, I could hear the thoughts in my head: “You see, it is just a time of everything going wrong. You can’t even make a wreath!”  Then the lady who was showing us how to make the wreaths came over, gave me a huge hug and said, “Feel the disappointment. It’s okay, it’s all okay. We can start again.” This lady knew nothing of my revelation about disappointment a few nights earlier!

I allowed the tears to flow, I acknowledged I was disappointed, and I started again!

With this new insight, I spent the next few days journalling and talking to God about all my disappointments and inviting Him into each one. I no longer saw Him as the strict examiner, but I saw Him as my companion, my comforter and my strength in all my disappointments.

Why do I share this story in relation to goal setting? Because we all have disappointments when it comes to achieving our goals. These disappointments, if not acknowledged, I believe can keep us stuck in very negative thinking about God – and ourselves!

As this new year begins, I invite you to take some time and acknowledge the various disappointments in your life and then to invite Jesus into them. Ask Him to speak to you there. Ask Him to restore those areas and let Him wipe every tear.

What if the Church Stopped Being Terrible at This One Thing?

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“Come on people, you should know this by now!”

With a half-playful, half-serious smile on his face, theologian and Theology of the Body enthusiast Christopher West stood at the front of the room.

We stared back blankly, frantically searching our Theology of the Body Institute storehouses for what he might be referencing.

He pleaded. “This is the CENTRAL tenet of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body! Have I failed you?! Please someone tell me I have not failed you.”

Slowly, a woman towards the front sheepishly raised her hand.

“Yes my dear sister,” Christopher beckoned.

She began, and as the first words rolled across her lips, Christopher’s hands flung up into the air in triumph!

“The body, and it alone is capable of making visible the invisible, the spiritual and divine. It was created to transfer into the visible reality of the world, the invisible mystery hidden in God from time immemorial, and thus to be a sign of it” (TOB February 20, 1980).

Let’s translate that to a third grade reading level.

Our bodies can do something amazing! They can show us things that are hidden and special, like things that are about God and the spirit. Our bodies were made to take things we can’t see and make them real in the world we can see. It’s like our bodies are a special sign of these hidden things.

Thank you ChatGPT .

In other words, you want to know about God and His will for your life? You better get good at some holy reflection on what’s going on in your body.

I’m in a group of 12 men who have been doing this self-reflective work together. We’ve been spending the last two months diving into understanding our unique design.

What’s this mean?

We’ve been systematically looking at our own experience. What do we do well? What causes us to cringe? What motivates us? Where do we feel most connected to God and others? What do we effortlessly do better than most people?

The answers to these questions are our bodies making visible the invisible – our spirit and the divine spirit working within us.

The stuff we do effortlessly reveals God’s plan for us.

The stuff that inspires us reveals God’s plan for us.

The activities that produce incredible fruits of the spirit reveal God’s plan for us.

Now, on the flip side, we’re also connecting with the invisible movements of the evil spirit in us. And no, I’m not talking about demonic possession (geez that escalated quickly). I’m talking about where we choose fear over faith, self-righteousness over compassion, presumption over wonder, and self-protection over self-gift.

This is just as important to know. The marine in me knows that when you can recognize the enemy’s tactics, you can start getting good at counter-ambushing.

And the fruits are incredible! There are priests claiming their gift of preaching, men recognizing that they’re ready for a career change, and guys discovering that things they once saw as weaknesses could actually be redeployed as an incredible gift to their spouse and kids.

These are men getting in touch with that invisible reality, that invisible spirit, moving in them. And it makes all the difference.

We’re really good at sharing the universal truths of the Catholic Church. Kudos catechists.

And, standby for my opinion…

By and large, we suck at helping people recognize the unique and particular movements of the unrepeatable and personal word of God that is working in them.

Think about it. When was the last time that you were at church and someone asked you about the unique, irreplaceable, and unrepeatable gift that God gave you to share with the world?

And THEN, they pulled up a chair, sat down, and actually listened to your response.

What if the Church stopped being terrible at this one thing? On the flip side, what if it became the opposite. What if it became the place to discover, embrace, and mature in your unique design and personal calling?

I think we can do it! I think we can crush it! I think the Church is uniquely qualified for this task!

Fulton Sheen said it well. He observed that when the Church drops things, the world picks them up and twists them in all confusing and contorted ways.

We can see this. What is the LGBTQ+ movement other than a group of people desiring to be seen as unique and unrepeatable. What is the Diversity Equality and Inclusion movement other than a cry to be seen as valuable, equal in dignity, and again, unique and unrepeatable.

What’s the problem with these movements? It’s not the desire to be seen with dignity, as unique, or worthy of esteem and reverence. The problem is they haven’t gone deep enough.

What makes me unique and unrepeatable from others is not my skin color, social-economic status, race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, or any other single surface level attribute.

What truly makes me different is the unique and unrepeatable word that has been spoken to me alone, by God, in time immemorial. A word that is so unique that I don’t even have the language to utter it aloud. A word so infinite I can only communicate it across an eternity. My body literally needs to be transformed, divinized, in order to reveal this hidden word.

You want to evangelize the LGBTQ+ community? You want to evangelize the wayward youth? Help them get in touch with this word. Help them discover that the Catholic Church is the only place where they can experience this divinizing transformation through grace and the Sacraments to fulfill their purpose of revealing their hidden word to the world.

But before you help them, you better discover your word yourself.

What if that became our focus as a church–helping people to get in touch with that unique, unrepeatable, and irreplaceable word? What would that do to the individual? What would that do for the married couple? What would that do for the family, or the Body of Christ as a whole?

What would that do for you?

I’m curious to know your word. Are you?

What makes Catholic coaching “Catholic”?

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It starts with an objective destination.

The primary purpose for any life coach is to help their clients discover and freely choose their greatest good. The approach of most secular coaching is to let the individual define their greatest good. But Catholic coaching teaches you how to approach “the good” as something absolute and known through Sacred Scripture and the Church’s teachings. This difference affects everything! When you know what your greatest good is as taught by
Christ and the Church, you can spend less time and energy deciding what is good and more time and energy pursuing it.

The coach is your guide, not your travel agent.

Most life coaches act as travel agents. Their job is to help you reach where you want to go, but they’re indifferent to the destination you choose. A Catholic life coach is more like a trail guide. He or she walks the path with you while knowing that our ultimate destination (and our greatest good) is life with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit for all eternity. Therefore, a Catholic coach helps clients journey toward Beatitude and establish meaningful milestones along the way.

God is the true agent of change.

Catholic coaching helps you remove the barriers that come up between you and the one person who can show you the way to true freedom and life — Jesus Christ. That being said, God’s grace is the true agent of change. The Catholic coach works as a conduit of grace, building trust with a client in order to ultimately pass their hand to the Eternal Life Coach.

While God is doing the heavy lifting, you are still called to be an active participant in the life of grace. How? By stepping into responsibility and choosing to use your human gifts of intellect (to know truth and goodness) and free will (to choose the good) to cooperate with God’s grace.

It takes place in a spiritual battleground.

Life is a spiritual battle. You can’t forget that there’s an Enemy of humanity who does not rest. Catholic coaching helps you live well (and engage well) in this battleground because it’s based on the Catholic understanding of the human person.

As a human, you are a body-soul being. You can’t ignore the spiritual side of your humanity, but you can’t ignore the physical side either. When we ignore or over-emphasize either of these, we become weaker in the battle. Catholic coaching teaches you how to become more vigilant in fighting the spiritual battle like a human person, not an angel or an animal.

It’s in line with the Magisterium and the Catechism.

This should go without saying. But it’s essential to authentic Catholic coaching. That’s why everything we do at Metanoia Catholic is in keeping with the doctrine of the Catholic Faith and guidance of the Church Magisterium.

The Metanoia Catholic Purgative Way coach training program is for anyone who loves abiding with people. Whether you already are a life coach, or you’re a teacher, priest, employer, or serve people in any capacity, you will be trained in excellent coaching techniques rooted in Catholic teaching and tradition. Over the course of four months, you will learn how to base your coaching on Catholic anthropology, master a simple and repeatable coaching method, and sharpen your mindset coaching skills together with other Catholic coaches. Sign up today!

Learn more about the Metanoia Catholic Purgative Way coach training program right here!

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When We Are Blind

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I had this very funny experience recently. Well, it was kind of funny!

My sister was home visiting and my family, so my mum, brother and sister all had dinner in our house before my sister headed to the airport for her flight back to the UK.  My brother was taking my mum home, and then onwards to the airport with my sister.  We said our goodbyes and waved them off at the door.

As I returned back into the kitchen, there on the counter was my sister’s phone. Knowing that her boarding cards were on her phone and her bank cards in the phone case, so with panic rising within me, I quickly picked up my phone and rang my brother to say come back because Pauline had left her phone behind.

The strangest thing happened, as I rang my brother’s phone, the phone on the kitchen counter began to ring, I quickly answered it and without really listening, and shouted over the background noise in our house, “Yes, yes Pauline’s phone is here, come for it now.”  With all the noise I couldn’t quite hear the reply but was satisfied that I’d gotten the message across, so the panic subsided and I went to the front door to wait for them to return so I could run out quickly and give them the phone.

A couple of minutes turned to five and then to eight, and then the worrying feeling began to rise again. Where are they? What’s happened? They should be here by now!  So I decided to ring my brother again, just to find out what was keeping them – and as I rang my brother, the strangest thing happened again, my sister’s phone rang again, answering that phone convinced it was my brother phoning to say they were on the way, again the signal wasn’t very clear but I mumbled something about are you on your way, to which I was convinced I heard yes, so I hung up both phones and waited patiently again.

More time passed as I stood in the stillness of the night, listening for the sound of the car. I began to wonder, isn’t it odd that at exactly the same time that I phoned my brother, he was phoning me? It is even more odd that they are not here yet, and so for the first time, I started to really look at the phone I was holding. As I opened the phone case, I saw a driving license sticking out. Pulling it out to read the name, as we say here in Ireland, the penny dropped. Everything became clear!

It was not my sister’s phone, but my brother’s phone that I was holding and that is why each time I phoned him the phone rang. It’s also why I couldn’t hear clearly because of the feedback between the two phones. Feeling very foolish, I then had to phone my sister, thankfully she had her phone and so would make her flight, but my poor brother had to return to our house, after leaving Pauline at the airport and then go home – adding about an hour to his journey!

The next day, as I reflected on the whole incident, I began to wonder, are there areas in my life where I’ve convinced myself that something is different to what it really is? Perhaps a belief about who I am and what I can or can’t do? Or a belief about God and who He is for me? Or about a relationship?

Taking time with the journal and reflecting brought a couple of beliefs to mind that when I took time to really bring them into the light of truth, I could see they weren’t true, the truth was the opposite of what I had been believing.

So my encouragement to you, is to take a few moments, take a deep breath, sit quietly and just ask Jesus if there is an area he wants to bring light to, particularly if there is an area where you feel panic, or fear, or stuck, is there a new perspective he wants to give you?  Is the belief you are hanging onto really true?

And ask yourself, are you ready for the new perspective?  

Combining my Metanoia Catholic and Strengthsfinder training with my Diploma in Coaching with Neuroscience, I love partnering with my clients in an open, non-judgmental, and confidential space to create new perspectives that help them become unstuck, maximize their potential, improve their self-confidence and fulfill their unique calling.

Using my skills of active listening, powerful questioning, and curiosity, I aim to create a space where my clients can explore and find their own answers because each of us are the author and expert of our own story.

Are you ready to start living in this joyful reality with me?

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