Four years ago I completed my Masters of Arts in Ministry degree after spontaneously applying to a program I never thought I’d get into. As a 7-12 math teacher, I had gotten used to being asked the question, “So what are you going to do with it?” “It” being my ministry foundation.

Oh, how I hated that question. I wanted to respond with an exasperating cry, “I have no freaking clue!” I don’t know why God asked me to sign up for this, but He did, so here I am. Instead, I would shove that response down deep inside my chest, smile, and reply, “I don’t really know. I’m not planning on going anywhere. For right now I am simply enjoying the self-formation.” While there were definitely hints of truth in that response, I knew there was something more going on – I just didn’t know what. So, I forged ahead not knowing, marinating in constant confusion about what I was supposed to be doing with my life.

Then, last summer came, and a small voice kept pulling on my heart strings saying, “Kylie, step out of the shadows.” For so long I had hidden behind my identity as a teacher and a volleyball coach. I absorbed myself in learning, but always avoided the application. I shied away from putting myself out there in a way that would make a new kind of impact, the uncomfortable kind. I hid in my circumstances and avoided stepping outside of my cozy fuzzy blanket zone. I did this not because God wasn’t calling me to something new, but because I couldn’t see through the other side of the calling.

I knew God was on the other side of the wall of fog, but I couldn’t bring myself to step into the unknown.  I took my “free” time that summer attempting to convince myself I could be a life-coach. I struggled through building a website. I hid in frustration behind Instagram reels. I second guessed every blog post, leaving most of them untouched on my desktop never to be seen by the eyes of others. And, I even coached a few people. Yet, I would take two steps forward, and always retreat back into what was comfortable by refocusing my efforts on all things that weren’t actually coaching.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, on your own intelligence do not rely. – Proverbs 3:5

It’s a good thing God reminds us to trust in Him and in ourselves! News flash- circumstantial identity is not a real thing. Letting that go was hard, and is a continual process, but fast forward to today and I am living with a much enhanced purpose. Through the Purgative Way course, the Ingolds and their team have given me the tools to apply all of my God-given gifts to the coaching realm that not only meshes my love for teaching and my Catholic faith, but allows me to create space for the people around me to grow.

Since starting the Purgative Way course. I have changed my approach to coaching and teaching. I have been more confident in reaching out to others, which has resulted in great fruits from the Holy Spirit. I have been able to coach my co-workers in education who are often forging ahead into the choppy waters of stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. I have restructured my thought exercises and mindset work for my high-school athletes. I have even applied the concepts of the Metanoia Catholic Journal to my conversations with my six-year old daughter.

What I have found is that I no longer get anxious before a session or in speaking truth with others. Rather, I feel at peace both entering and leaving my time with clients, as well as when I openly discuss my faith with non-clients as well.

My focus is now much more centered on what matters – leading souls to heaven. I worry less over trivial things and I am able to bounce back from self-doubt much quicker. My thoughts centered on what other people are thinking of me have significantly decreased, and I am much more aware of how I am responding to my circumstances. My story is now a helpful tool in which I can recognize where lies are at play, rather than a roadblock keeping me from spiritual and personal growth.

I am so grateful God has led me to this wonderful community of men and women who are traveling on a similar trajectory toward Christ, albeit through many different vehicles and settings. When I started the Purgative Way course,I was looking for an alternative to getting my spiritual direction certification. For one thing, I have two small children and I wasn’t mentally in a place where I felt ready to handle a heavy workload. The second barrier was the high price tag associated with the programs I had inquired about. So, I did a quick Google search and by the grace of God, Metanoia Catholic came up. I scheduled a call with Erin, prayed about it, and decided to give it a try.

If you are on the fence, I encourage you to take it to prayer and trust that your efforts will be blessed. I, for one, will be praying for you on your journey as you allow the Holy Spirit to transform you, through the renewal of your mind, and your openness to God’s call.

I entered the Catholic church during the Easter Vigil on April 23, 1992, the same day as the con-validation of our civil marriage. Yes, we got married at the JP so I could get my green card, but that’s a story for another day.

So, why, at the end of 2022, do I have this mighty desire to “come out Catholic?” Didn’t the whole congregation witness my profession of faith? Wasn’t that enough? The difference is, although I meant my profession of faith the first time, I professed more with my mouth and less with my heart.

It has taken me 30 years of wrestling, of metanoia in action, to have this deep desire to proclaim publicly, “…that Jesus is Lord,” and I “believe in [my] heart that God raised Him from the dead…For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved” (Romans 10:9-10).

Over the years, I barely scratched the surface of the vast treasures of Scripture and Tradition as I raised my family, served in my parish and pursued a teaching career. Don’t get me wrong, I was never ashamed to say that I was Catholic in secular circles. My friends and colleagues knew, but I was elective in how I lived out my faith. It’s just not enough to simply be a “practicing Catholic in good standing” anymore.

Now, in middle age, as I pursue a new career in coaching, I’ve landed in the Metanoia Catholic, a community of seekers of Truth, Beauty and Goodness. Coming out Catholic all of a sudden takes on a different meaning as I watch Matt and Erin Ingold so boldly demonstrate their faith. I see them do what I so desperately want for myself, to be unabashedly Catholic in a world that is turning more and more against the faith. I am inspired and will be equipped to BE a Catholic Coach. God is good.

I received this poem in Adoration on August 8, 2022 on my year-long journey of discernment.

Coming Out Catholic

I’m coming out Catholic
What’s that, you ask?
I’m telling the world
Not hiding in the dark.
No shame in telling
My precious faith story
How Jesus had saved me
In all of His glory.
Finding my fire
Shouting from the spire
Dispelling the lies
In front of my eyes
Surrendering, trusting
Receiving the grace
Adoring Him now
His Eucharistic Face.
I’m coming out Catholic
I’m running the race
In trustful surrender,
I’m taking my place.

Christ is calling me into a closer relationship with Him so that I can serve others in His name. He is not calling me to serve as a Mindset Coach for Catholics, but to serve as a Catholic Mindset Coach in an ever more secularized society because, “The harvest is great, but the laborers are few” (Matthew 9: 27). I want to serve, not because my prospective clients are Catholic, but because I am. I believe I am here in the Metanoia Catholic Academy and Catholic Coaching Foundations not by chance, but because He has called me here to equip me to serve Him in a greater capacity as I receive the training and grow alongside the community of believers. It’s a beautiful thing.

So, to sum up in poetry my journey thus far I:

Unfurl the Truth
Like a banner across my heart
Letters in scarlet
There from the start
Broken and beaten
To Jesus a path
His love is greater
than this worldly treasure
A healing balm
A wondrous salve
Freedom from grasping
For temporal pleasures
I’m coming out Catholic
The journey begins
To bring God the glory
He knows how it ends.

The enemy is working overtime to disrupt your mental health and keep you from accomplishing God’s will. The mental health crisis for college-aged youth is widely documented and the picture is concerning.

A recent survey of Americans considering higher education found that self-doubt was one of the top three barriers to enrollment, alongside ‘competing obligations and logistics’ and ‘cost.’

Ironically, self-doubt is the barrier most within students’ locus of control. When self-doubt is not addressed, it can lead students to avoid more rigorous academic programs or dissuade them from applying to graduate or professional school. Self-doubt and imposter syndrome can limit job prospects, career satisfaction, and lifelong earning potential.

Just as concerning is the number of young people who are leaving our Catholic faith.

Almost 80 percent of those who leave Catholicism do so by the age of 23. Many who leave become “nones” with no particular religious affiliation or belief in God.

As a Certified Catholic Mindset Coach and founder of Knots Untied Coaching, my aim is to help college students embrace Catholicism as an essential element to success in their educational journey. With over 30 years of teaching and advising students on college campuses, I’m very familiar with the challenges students face. As someone who was a first-generation college student, a traditional age graduate student, and a mid-life doctoral student, I help students overcome the mental taunts of the enemy and infuse virtuous living into their collegiate environment.

Our world needs more faith-filled, ambitious Catholics in leadership positions in every industry! With the infusion of AI technology into our daily lives, humans are entering a new Attention Economy.

The Attention Economy trains us to combat loneliness with scrolling, boredom with digital content, and real-world connections with disembodied virtual assistants. College-aged people are the front lines of the battlefield for our minds… but all of us are touched.

It’s so important for Catholics to focus our attention on God’s desire for us to develop healthy and holy habits and freedom through virtuous living. I care deeply about the future of our world and the futures of the young people who will lead it.

In September 2023, I will launch my first virtual collegiate success program. The 12-week “Fearful to Fruitful” workshop will help college students learn to strengthen their interior life, overcome obstacles to success, and live lives of virtue. Go to www.knots-untied.com to register. You can also follow my podcast Catholics on Campus to learn a variety of success strategies to help you live happy, healthy and holy lives.

I’ve been working on this poem in bed at night before falling asleep, and it’s been helpful to develop more self acceptance and self love.

Grateful

I’m grateful for my fingers.

I’m grateful for my toes.

I’m grateful for my hands and my feet and my nose.

I’m grateful for my shoulders.

I’m grateful for my shins.

I’m grateful for my ears and my eyes and my chin.

I’m grateful for my gums.

I’m grateful for my tum.

I’m grateful for my teeth and my lips and my knees.

I’m grateful for my nails.

I’m grateful for entrails.

I’m grateful for my back and my bottom and my breasts.

I’m grateful for my curls.

I’m grateful for my cheeks.

I’m grateful for my brain and the mind it contains.

I’m grateful for my ankles.

I’m grateful for my elbows.

I’m grateful for my eyebrows and my wrists and my fists.

I’m grateful for my pimples.

I’m grateful for my moles.

I’m grateful for my cranium and my spine and my dimples.

I’m grateful for my arms.

I’m grateful for my legs.

I’m grateful for my loins

Two gifts from God, Rejoice!

I’m grateful for blood.

I’m grateful for my veins.

I’m grateful for my skin and the life that’s within.

I’m grateful for my heart,

I’m grateful for my art.

I’m grateful for my sight and my touch and my sound.

I’m grateful to the Father.

I’m grateful to the Son.

I’m grateful to the Spirit.

Holy God all three in One

I’m grateful.

What are you grateful for? I would be interested in seeing what others in this community come up with!

Carron Silva Ph.D, 1/27/2023

In Response to Hannah Dustman’s 10 Day Metanoia Catholic Journal Challenge:

We challenge you, members of the Metanoia Catholic community, to commit to naming 10 things you are grateful about yourself every day for the next 10 days. Are you up for the challenge?

The Metanoia Catholic “Model” is the process we use to analyze our mindsets, bring them to the Lord, and find greater freedom. Here we’re going to talk about the last few steps of that model. If you missed the other parts, check out Part 1 and Part 2.

————————————————–

THE ACTION.

We previously talked about how emotions are the feelings that come from our thoughts. Now let’s take things one step further. Your emotions will either spur you to action or keep you from taking action. In other words, emotions will make you grow either in a virtue or in a vice.

The Catechism tells us that “A virtue is a habitual and firm disposition to do the good. It allows the person not only to perform good acts but to give the best of himself. The virtuous person tends toward the good with all his sensory and spiritual powers.” (CCC 1803)

Your thoughts and emotions affect whether you’re ordering your actions toward the good. That means growing in virtue starts with your thoughts and emotions! It also means that getting rid of vice also starts with your thoughts and emotions.

Of course, God gives you the grace to do that. And this is powerful knowledge to have for your spiritual life! When you see how your thoughts, emotions, and actions work together, it’s a game-changer. You’ll understand why you do the things you do, and you’ll know how to pray with God about it.

As an example, let’s continue the scenario from Part 2. Here’s the thought: You think you are stuck in a career and there’s nothing you can do about it. Here’s the emotion: You feel better or resentful toward your co-workers and employer. Now here’s the action: You treat your co-workers rudely and slack off in your work.

THE RESULTS.

Your actions have consequences. Not only do they affect the world around you, they affect your own interior life. Our negative thoughts in particular have a way of coming back to bite us.

For example, if you treat your co-workers badly and you slack off in your work, then of course you won’t get opportunities to advance in your career. So the thought that you are stuck in your job leads you into keeping yourself stuck.

See how a cycle like that can repeat itself? Circumstance, to thought, to emotion, to action, to result — which becomes the new circumstance. How do you break out of it?

The place to start is with your thoughts.

That’s why “The Model” is so useful. It shows us where we go astray (in our thoughts) and how changing our thoughts can change our lives for the better!

TO WRAP IT ALL UP…

When you recognize this pattern of how thoughts lead to actions, you can finally take charge of your interior life and start growing in the virtues that bring true joy and happiness. Most importantly, it opens you up to working with God to receive His graces and live the kind of life He wants for you.

This takes work, but it’s possible! Remember, you have God on your side. And we have some great resources here at Mentoia Catholic to help you too.

Want to learn more about the “Model” and what it can do for you? Check our podcast episode on The Model and its Roots in Aquinas!

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