Are you audacious with your goals?

If you’re like most of us, you’ve taken on the common wisdom of not setting “unrealistic” goals. You look for something that already seems to be well within reach, something that doesn’t have much risk of failure.

In this season of Advent though, I want to challenge this idea of “realistic” goals.

Do we believe in a God who is “realistic”?

I would argue not.

Our God is a God who said, “Hey, I love those people so much. I want to save them. I’m going to become one of them and then die for them… and then I’m going to rise from the dead.”

But He didn’t stop there!

He also said, “And you know what, I’m going to arrange it so that they can participate in My death and Resurrection. They will die with Me, and rise with Me, and we will be one. When the Father looks at them, He will see Me.”

This is not the kind of dreaming we tend to do. This is the grand, extravagant, wild planning of a Divine Lover.

And this is why Advent is so special.

Advent marks the time that we prepare our hearts to receive this first gift, this first part of God’s audacious plan of salvation: the arrival of the Son of God as a precious little baby.

As we behold the Word made flesh, we encounter the profound mystery of our own human nature, that we are made in the image of God, that He made us to be creatures who co-create with Him, as the words of our thoughts are made flesh in the results that we create.

Advent is an invitation to enter into God’s grand, compelling vision for our life, to see what He sees, to stop trying to stay in control and only reach for things that seem possible, but start to truly believe that nothing is impossible for God.

“The alternative to praying for big things is to reduce what we’re dreaming of to something small enough that we think we can accomplish it on our own. This absolutely robs God of the chance to show us just how wonderful, powerful, creative and amazing He is.” (Opening Your Heart, Lisa Brenninkmeyer)

I’ll close with this story about Mother Angelica that I just love for so many reasons.

She was in the process of starting EWTN, and she needed a satellite, which cost $600,000. She didn’t have the money but just went ahead and ordered it, saying she’d pay on delivery.

The satellite finally arrived, but the money hadn’t. She prayed, and then a man called out of the blue to donate the exact amount needed.  

Talk about providence!

What strikes me about this story is that she didn’t allow ideas of what was “realistic” to get in the way of just being obedient to God. She had utter trust that He would come through because this was all His plan.

And it paints such a beautiful picture of the amazing things that can happen when we honestly seek His will without putting any of our human limits on Him, when we courageously say yes and then trust Him to figure it all out.

What if we all approached our lives like that? What if God was just waiting to pour out miracles like that on us all the time? What if His plans for our life are far more audacious than you’ve ever dared to consider?

So I’d like to invite you to journal on this theme this Advent:

• What goals have I been putting off, not considering, resisting, pushing down, because I think they’re too audacious?
• What do I think is impossible right now?
• Do I really believe that the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead dwells within me? That I have constant access to the power of impossible things? What would I go ahead and co-create with God in the world if I really believed this? How can I grow this belief?

And just watch what God does with these questions!

If you get stuck, book a call in the Academy or with one of the Metanoia Catholic-trained coaches! Helping people with this is what we do all day long.

On the Wednesday of Holy Week in 2019, my beautiful girl was born.  Both now and then, my family could say that our Easter came early that year. This year she turned three on Easter Sunday! This is truly a gift and a blessing worth celebrating for so many reasons.  

On the day she was born, two blood clots began to form. One was forming on the bottom right side of my neck and the other began forming in the frontal cortex of my brain. The pain points where the blood clots were located continued to progress, and I found myself doing all the rituals I knew could help with a kink in the neck and migraine. (Unfortunately, at the time we were unaware that the pain was coming from the blood clots.)  

After three weeks of enduring the aches alongside the regular postpartum adjustment of all-nighters and breastfeeding, I found myself celebrating my first Mother’s Day in the ICU.  Unfortunately, the blood clots had progressed causing my right arm to be paralyzed, my right leg to go numb, and the right side of my face to droop. So, I had my husband take me to the ER with our three-week-old. Sure enough, the cat-scan showed the two blood clots, and I was diagnosed with the rare blood clot condition called cerebral venous sinus thrombosis (CVST).  

As someone who had been working in Catholic Pastoral Ministry and been relatively healthy my entire life, this was a bit of an adjustment – to say the least!  Prior to this, I had been looking to pursue a career in hospital chaplaincy. I did some volunteer work in a hospice house for a year followed by a summer hospital chaplaincy internship, in which I completed the first unit of Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE).  I fell in love with healing ministry, but all of sudden found myself viewing the healing ministry from the perspective of the patients I had served. In addition, I had been living a pretty healthy life with eating balanced meals, exercise, and other healthy habits. So it wasn’t quite clear as to why this was happening from practical knowledge.  Nonetheless, I allowed myself to be attended to in the hospital for about a week. Thanks to the healing graces of the Sacraments of Anointing of the Sick and the Eucharist, the healing hands of doctors and nurses, and our parish members who helped us take care of our little one, I found strength to endure it.

The stroke took out my right side for about six months and required some physical therapy and occupational therapy to regain strength and mobility. I even found myself having to learn to write again. Something I began to recognize in going through the physical and occupational therapy was that I was actually enjoying it! While I wasn’t thrilled about why I needed it, I actually looked forward to the sessions, and even took pictures of some equipment to purchase on Amazon, so I could do some of the exercises at home. I also grew fascinated with the connectivity of the body. Which made me think… I wondered if there was such a thing as a gym chaplain, and I began exploring that possibility.

I didn’t actually find a gym chaplain opportunity, but I did pursue my certification as a Health Coach and Life Coach from the Health Coach Institute. Then, I completed my certification for personal training.

All of a sudden I found myself with three wellness certifications from secular schools, yet knew that the Catholic faith values physical, mental, and spiritual health,  and I wanted to give my fitness coaching a Theology of the Body foundation. So, I began looking for Catholic Coaching.  

First, I wanted to see if it existed.

Second, I wanted to learn how to bridge that gap between physical and spiritual health. Sure enough, I saw a video of Matt and Erin Ingold talking about incarnational beings and Theology of the Body.  

They spoke my language and drew my attention. After connecting with them on the phone, I never looked back!

My experience with Purgative Way and Metanoia Catholic has been so fruitful! Every coaching experience I received or witnessed has had me feeling like I am on the mountain witnessing our Lord’s Transfiguration. While my own transformation is nowhere near completion, with the combination of Catholic Coaching and the Metanoia Daily Journal, I can admit to the growth and shells that are breaking.

This program has finally allowed me to let it go and collaborate with the Lord to help other moms get fit, so they can live out their vocation in good health, happiness, and holiness!

For weeks, I would walk past the large flower pots beside our house and notice a tiny shoot of a pernicious elm tree growing. The elm trees that grew along our sidewalk would cast seeds and one had taken root in our pots that were eagerly awaiting the return of our late springtime daisies. I would take note and pluck off the top few inches of the elm shoot with its thin stalk and few leaves. I didn’t have the time or the patience to really work into the soil to remove the roots of this little tree and hoped that it wouldn’t disturb the emerging daisies or that it would just somehow go away.

My thought life imitated this in many ways. While journaling, I would acknowledge, in Exercise 3 of the Metanoia Journal, that a virtue needed to reach my goals was “more trust in the Lord” but would not spend the time or have the patience to look deeply into my own soul or acknowledge what the Lord wanted to do there. I was content to pluck off the little branch of my own self reliance and hope (with eyes closed) that it wouldn’t grow back. Inevitably, it would.

One day, when the sun was warm and the soil had been loosened by a few days of no rain, I walked past the daisy pot and saw the new growth of the base of a daisy plant. It was being overshadowed by the elm tree shoot. I gently felt around the base of the shoot and began to move it gingerly back and forth in the dirt with the intent to remove the entire root and not simply to break off the stalk. It took some time but I felt the soil loosening and the root beginning to budge. As I continued to work it back and forth pulling gently so it wouldn’t snap, I felt the entire root emerge from the soil. It was at least 15 inches long with tendrils and off shoots and gnarly roots. I turned it over and over in my hands and marveled at how developed it was. And I had to acknowledge that no amount of plucking off the top growth would have ever stopped that root from growing deeper and deeper and from branching off until the whole pot was overrun by elms. It wasn’t easy to get that root out but it was so satisfying when it finally released and the soil could move to make way for the little daisies.

In a way, it mirrored the work that journaling had been doing in the wild countryside of my soul. For weeks, I had acknowledged that a distrust of the Lord was there but was content to just pluck off the top of that thought by “thought swapping”. Instead of really admitting that I was lacking in trust and really had a great distrust of God, I would simply tell myself to repeat, “Jesus, I trust in you,” (a really helpful prayer when said in integrity and with acknowledgement of one’s dependence on God) and to think and behave as someone that did trust. This would only last for a few days and then I would be back to patterns of self-reliance. I would routinely avoid Exercise 6 in the journal when a thought of distrust would arise in my thought recon. If I did allow myself to think about renouncing or repenting, I would immediately think of all the excuses I had to not trust (childhood abuse, trauma, etc.) and would forgive myself for not being able to trust more without ever acknowledging that I needed to take responsibility for allowing the patterns of distrust to continue. The top growth would get plucked off but the roots of distrust and the self reliance that came with it continued to grow.

This pattern continued for several months. I decided to take advantage of the coaching that the Academy offered and brought the thought of, “It’s all up to me,” to coach Nuve, a Resident Coach for MC. She firmly and lovingly asked me to take this thought to Exercise 6 and asked who would want me to keep believing the thought that “It was all up to me”. I laughed (a long standing and familiar coping skill) and wanted to brush it off that this thought was coming from an enemy of my soul. She did not laugh, nor did she condemn. She simply repeated back to me that this was a thought that was not coming from a good place and would continue to keep me stuck. It became clear to me for the first time that this thought came from a place of deep rooted distrust in God and that I was protecting myself with the belief that “it was all up to me”.

Over the next few days of journaling, it became clear to me that I had allowed this thought to grow unchecked and had let the excuses keep me from the freedom that could only come from repenting. I had avoided taking responsibility for my own thoughts because I had equated that responsibility with somehow meaning that I was responsible for the things that had happened to me as a child. Instead of wanting to make excuses, I felt convicted and longed for the freedom that could only come from repentance. It was only through acknowledging my own responsibility for my thoughts and behavior that I could move towards seeing that repentance was necessary. Not only was it necessary, but for the first time for me, it was desired!

Making a full confession through the Sacrament of Reconciliation allowed my soul to be free of the root of distrust and ungodly self-reliance. The work from journaling and coaching allowed that root of sin to gingerly move around and come out in a complete manner with all of the sub roots and tendrils intact.

And through the grace of that confession, that thought has not returned like it would when only the surface growth was removed. Repentance and forgiveness has allowed a freedom that makes trusting in the goodness of our God comfortable and desirable. This freedom has brought about great joy! No longer is “It all up to me”. No longer do I feel compelled to live burdened by excuses born of trauma that would only leave me feeling stuck and shackled to incidents in my past. Acknowledging and working through the thoughts and being led to a posture of repentance has allowed the soil of my soul to be worked over, to receive light and water and to allow new growth to flourish.

John Paul II, in his Apostolic Exhortation on the Church in America tells us that conversion, or metanoia, is a change of mentality. It is not simply a matter of thinking differently in an intellectual sense, but of revising the reason behind one’s actions in the light of the gospel.
Journaling and coaching with Metanoia Catholic has brought me to a conversion of heart. Where trusting in the goodness of God is not just an intellectual activity, but a posture of being able to be yoked to a God that can be acknowledged as all good, all forgiving, and worthy of our trust.

The most obnoxious pair of oversized sunglasses couldn’t mask the tears that fell down my face as I cried my way through the Spring/early Summer of 2022. “We would just be sitting at the pool with our kids, and I would look over and Michelle would be crying,” my dear friend laughed with me recently as I shared my radical story of healing from the dumpster fire that was a major portion of this last year. You see, I’ve been a Catholic all my life. I’ve encountered the Lord and had a relationship with Him, but apparently I hadn’t let Him all the way in. Last March a somewhat insignificant experience unleashed every insecurity I have ever felt…EVER.

It felt like a pot of boiling water desperately needing to boil over and I just kept pushing the lid down onto as hard as I could, “Everything’s fine here, folks!” And for a while, I believed it. I couldn’t hear or see the water boiling – out of sight, out of mind. Maybe it will just evaporate, I thought – but not this water. I slipped my grip for one minute on that lid and the whole thing exploded. Water everywhere, burning me in the process. Any control I once had, gone.

Thoughts I had buried were brought to the light – the biggest one of all, “I find my worth in what other people think of me.” That thought wasn’t really working out, but I didn’t know any other way. I should correct myself. I did know intellectually that Jesus was, or should be the only source of my worth. I would even tell other people about that Truth, but for the first time in my life I was admitting that I didn’t believe it. I did not believe that the Lord could heal me, could be the source of my identity.

The pot boiled over and I was left with a mess. I began searching for anything that would help me clean it up and offer me a taste of relief. In a matter of four months I saw three different therapists, talked with my doctor, and purchased more self-help books and memberships than I care to admit. Oh, and I cried. Everyday. All the time. Therapy was helpful, and I had brought my trauma to Jesus and experienced Him there with me in it – healing it. Touching my wounds. It was beautiful to process all of that. So why was I still so stuck?

Enter Metanoia Catholic. I was #influenced on social media (again) and thought I would try one more “self-help” membership – bonus points for this one because it was Catholic. I bought the Metanoia Catholic Journal and, pretty quickly, the Holy Spirit used this community to “change my life.” This sounds so simple, and as an English major it pains me to use such common hyperbole, but I’ll make an exception when it is actually the truth – my life is changed. Jesus healed me. I have a testimony. I believe it now – I can’t stop shouting it from the rooftops!

Before Metanoia Catholic, Jesus had been let into my wounds, but I refused to take his hand and let Him lead me forward. I just wanted to sit in my ick. As a teacher, I was constantly helping my students “show, not tell” in their writing. Show me what a beautiful sunrise looks like, don’t just tell me it’s beautiful. The same applied here. I had been craving for someone to show me what “taking every thought captive to Christ” looked like. I had only been told to do it. No one had ever discipled me in it, that is until the Lord brought me to this beautiful community and journal.

I started bringing Him everything, and I learned how to reason through my thoughts with His grace. This journal taught me how I could be my own objective jury for all the madness that went on in my head. I could find evidence for the truth, and I could choose to believe it. I learned that Jesus wanted to meet me in my ugly thoughts, not after I had them cleaned up. White knuckling my way to healing wasn’t going to work. This process was painful, but it was finally worth the pain because I had hope. I started running to Jesus through my journaling because I knew every toxic thought could be brought to His light and transformed.

If only I could go give last summer’s hot-mess-express of a woman (a.k.a me) a huge hug and tell her that, “It’s all worth it.” Tell her that in 2023 my gratitudes in Exercise #2 of the journal would include Jesus allowing me to hit rock bottom because it led to my transformation. I truly believe that was the only way he could reach my heart. It was the only way he could show me how much He loves me. Oh, how that must have broken His heart to allow me to go through such pain, but He knew what awaited me on the other side.

Oh, how he loves me. Oh, how he loves you. There’s hope for everyone.

Tears streamed down my face as, yet again, I brought the same struggle to confession, and, yet again, I was left wondering if anything would ever change my frozen heart or if the pain inside would be a dull ache forever. I didn’t like to think I was a person who held grudges. After all, I told myself, I left the past in the past and moved on. Still, I knew something in my heart was not right. So, with drooping shoulders and a heavy sigh, I brought the same situation before God, praying he would somehow show me the way through.

Fast forward three months later…..  

I had immediately been drawn to the content Matt and Erin shared on the podcast (The Catholic Coaching Podcast), their vulnerability and their commitment to study Catholic teaching and tradition. After a short phone connection to sort out timelines and scheduling details, I was ready to dive in!

I joined Purgative Way, with big excitement and just a touch of trepidation that I always hold when there is an element of the unknown. Enthusiastic, I was ready to polish my coaching skills, learn how to ask engaging questions, and see how the Catholic perspective tied it all together!

Little did I know that the person who needed the most coaching was me. As I learned about thoughts and emotions, beliefs and the ways they drive my life, a light of deeper understanding started to grow in my mind and heart. I became convicted in so many ways of how my own thoughts and habits lead me to choose darkness over light, even when the thoughts I used to justify seemed nice and “shiny” to me. I saw so many lies and deeply rooted beliefs that I had held for years, perhaps even a lifetime, that were keeping me stuck in shame and pain.

Daily journaling and the coaching I received brought to my attention again the struggle I had been having in a particular relationship. That heaviness I just could not shake.  

In bringing this struggle to the light, my coach shared simple words that had a profound impact on me.

“You are 100% lovable, as you are.  Everyone is 100% lovable as they are.  Even if the other person never changes, they are 100% lovable. You don’t have to wait for them to change to start loving them.”

A month later, in a quiet moment of encountering this person, a sense of love and peace flooded my heart. In my mind, I could receive this other person as a gift in a way I had never been able to do before. I could accept things as they were, the wheat and the weeds, without ruminating or seeking to control the various aspects of the situation. I was in awe at this movement deep within my soul.

This was my treasure. This was my gift. This was my freedom.

God used the light of truth, laid out upon the foundation we had been building in our study of Catholic Coaching, to move mountains in my heart. Suddenly there was life and hope, light and freedom, shining into a place deep within me, where darkness had kept me hiding in a tomb for years.

“Behold, I make all things new,”  echoed in my soul. And in a moment, I knew this was true.  And in that moment, I wanted to share this amazing gift of hope and freedom! A breath of life where, before, there had only been death.  

I knew, even more deeply, that I was called to continue to serve others through coaching. I feel profoundly blessed with this call to walk beside others in their journey towards transforming their minds, so that they too can find greater freedom, joy and peace. How privileged I am to join others in this mission and to share the gifts that I have been given so generously!

If you’re seeking to move beyond roadblocks and develop your awareness, your mindset and your skill set to achieve greater freedom, you can connect with me on Instagram @cherishedjoyfulhearts or through email at cherishedjoyfulhearts@gmail.com.

My prayer for you as you read these words is that God would bring hope to your hopeless places, light to your deepest darkness and peace to the storms that never stop raging in your soul. May you be given the grace to open your heart to the ways He is calling you in the stillness, towards new life and unconditional love.

“Behold, I make all things new.”