Four years ago I completed my Masters of Arts in Ministry degree after spontaneously applying to a program I never thought I’d get into. As a 7-12 math teacher, I had gotten used to being asked the question, “So what are you going to do with it?” “It” being my ministry foundation.
Oh, how I hated that question. I wanted to respond with an exasperating cry, “I have no freaking clue!” I don’t know why God asked me to sign up for this, but He did, so here I am. Instead, I would shove that response down deep inside my chest, smile, and reply, “I don’t really know. I’m not planning on going anywhere. For right now I am simply enjoying the self-formation.” While there were definitely hints of truth in that response, I knew there was something more going on – I just didn’t know what. So, I forged ahead not knowing, marinating in constant confusion about what I was supposed to be doing with my life.
Then, last summer came, and a small voice kept pulling on my heart strings saying, “Kylie, step out of the shadows.” For so long I had hidden behind my identity as a teacher and a volleyball coach. I absorbed myself in learning, but always avoided the application. I shied away from putting myself out there in a way that would make a new kind of impact, the uncomfortable kind. I hid in my circumstances and avoided stepping outside of my cozy fuzzy blanket zone. I did this not because God wasn’t calling me to something new, but because I couldn’t see through the other side of the calling.
I knew God was on the other side of the wall of fog, but I couldn’t bring myself to step into the unknown. I took my “free” time that summer attempting to convince myself I could be a life-coach. I struggled through building a website. I hid in frustration behind Instagram reels. I second guessed every blog post, leaving most of them untouched on my desktop never to be seen by the eyes of others. And, I even coached a few people. Yet, I would take two steps forward, and always retreat back into what was comfortable by refocusing my efforts on all things that weren’t actually coaching.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, on your own intelligence do not rely. – Proverbs 3:5
It’s a good thing God reminds us to trust in Him and in ourselves! News flash- circumstantial identity is not a real thing. Letting that go was hard, and is a continual process, but fast forward to today and I am living with a much enhanced purpose. Through the Purgative Way course, the Ingolds and their team have given me the tools to apply all of my God-given gifts to the coaching realm that not only meshes my love for teaching and my Catholic faith, but allows me to create space for the people around me to grow.
Since starting the Purgative Way course. I have changed my approach to coaching and teaching. I have been more confident in reaching out to others, which has resulted in great fruits from the Holy Spirit. I have been able to coach my co-workers in education who are often forging ahead into the choppy waters of stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. I have restructured my thought exercises and mindset work for my high-school athletes. I have even applied the concepts of the Metanoia Catholic Journal to my conversations with my six-year old daughter.
What I have found is that I no longer get anxious before a session or in speaking truth with others. Rather, I feel at peace both entering and leaving my time with clients, as well as when I openly discuss my faith with non-clients as well.
My focus is now much more centered on what matters – leading souls to heaven. I worry less over trivial things and I am able to bounce back from self-doubt much quicker. My thoughts centered on what other people are thinking of me have significantly decreased, and I am much more aware of how I am responding to my circumstances. My story is now a helpful tool in which I can recognize where lies are at play, rather than a roadblock keeping me from spiritual and personal growth.
I am so grateful God has led me to this wonderful community of men and women who are traveling on a similar trajectory toward Christ, albeit through many different vehicles and settings. When I started the Purgative Way course,I was looking for an alternative to getting my spiritual direction certification. For one thing, I have two small children and I wasn’t mentally in a place where I felt ready to handle a heavy workload. The second barrier was the high price tag associated with the programs I had inquired about. So, I did a quick Google search and by the grace of God, Metanoia Catholic came up. I scheduled a call with Erin, prayed about it, and decided to give it a try.
If you are on the fence, I encourage you to take it to prayer and trust that your efforts will be blessed. I, for one, will be praying for you on your journey as you allow the Holy Spirit to transform you, through the renewal of your mind, and your openness to God’s call.
