“I don’t want to be done being single”
“Beth!” said my friend, appalled, “I can’t believe you just said that!”
For years, I had spoken to this friend about my desire to get married. I longed for a husband and children, and I finally had plans to go on a blind date in just a few days. Did my statement come from a place of giving up my desire? Or did it arise out of a place of irritation that I was not married?
I had to think about that. This led me to a memory I had.
About six month earlier, I was sitting on my bed, at home, all alone. I was frustrated that I wasn’t on a date. In fact, it didn’t seem like there was anyone who would even ask me out in the near future.
“This time of singleness is going to last forever,” I thought to myself. “I’m never going to get married.”
When I realized my thoughts weren’t helping, I decided to put on some music. “Come Holy Spirit,” I prayed as I became aware of the Lord’s presence with me.
I knew the Lord didn’t want me to be thinking these thoughts either and that they weren’t from Him. I remembered how during our group coaching calls Erin Ingold often invites us to make things fun. So, I asked myself, “Could waiting be fun? … No, never! Waiting for my spouse is terrible.”
I heard Erin’s voice in my mind ask, “But have there been moments where it was fun?” I recalled a lot of fun things I’ve done while being single: I went to Europe, I moved across the country, I got a new job… “Wow! I can’t wait to see what else happens!” My thoughts continued. “But I’m not sure if I trust you with my vocation,Lord. You haven’t provided it yet. Do you even want me to get married?” Again I realized these thoughts weren’t helping.
In a moment of surrender I responded, “God. I’ll let you write my story, including the timing.” When I realized this was too big of a prayer, I brought myself back to the present and added a word: Today!
“God, I’ll let you write my story today!”
Adding the word “today” to a goal statement helps to make the thought less daunting. I can’t always plan how I will respond for the rest of my life, but I can decide that I will change my thoughts today!
Today, I get to make plans with the Lord! This is a time when I get to dream with God!
Today, we’ll get to be creative! It can actually be fun to wait! This is what I was thinking when I told my friend I wasn’t ready for my singleness to end. It was almost as if I was saying I’m having too much fun!
My desire to stay single came from a place of knowing that I have meaning in my life. I knew that there was something in my life that I needed to learn in my singleness. Not only would it affect me, but it would help and transform others as well! I was no longer wrestling with my singleness, but rather I was able to see how it was actually a good thing!
Do I still want to get married? Yes! Do I still long for a spouse? Yes! However, I have found that even waiting can be a place that I enjoy and appreciate! I’ve learned St. Paul’s words: “I have learned in whatever state I am to be content therewith.” (Philippians 4:11)
