“Beth!” said my friend, appalled, “I can’t believe you just said that!”
For years, I had spoken to this friend about my desire to get married. I longed for a husband and children, and I finally had plans to go on a blind date in just a few days. Did my statement come from a place of giving up my desire? Or did it arise out of a place of irritation that I was not married?
I had to think about that. This led me to a memory I had.
About six month earlier, I was sitting on my bed, at home, all alone. I was frustrated that I wasn’t on a date. In fact, it didn’t seem like there was anyone who would even ask me out in the near future.
“This time of singleness is going to last forever,” I thought to myself. “I’m never going to get married.”
When I realized my thoughts weren’t helping, I decided to put on some music. “Come Holy Spirit,” I prayed as I became aware of the Lord’s presence with me.
I knew the Lord didn’t want me to be thinking these thoughts either and that they weren’t from Him. I remembered how during our group coaching calls Erin Ingold often invites us to make things fun. So, I asked myself, “Could waiting be fun? … No, never! Waiting for my spouse is terrible.”
I heard Erin’s voice in my mind ask, “But have there been moments where it was fun?” I recalled a lot of fun things I’ve done while being single: I went to Europe, I moved across the country, I got a new job… “Wow! I can’t wait to see what else happens!” My thoughts continued. “But I’m not sure if I trust you with my vocation,Lord. You haven’t provided it yet. Do you even want me to get married?” Again I realized these thoughts weren’t helping.
In a moment of surrender I responded, “God. I’ll let you write my story, including the timing.” When I realized this was too big of a prayer, I brought myself back to the present and added a word: Today!
“God, I’ll let you write my story today!”
Adding the word “today” to a goal statement helps to make the thought less daunting. I can’t always plan how I will respond for the rest of my life, but I can decide that I will change my thoughts today!
Today, I get to make plans with the Lord! This is a time when I get to dream with God!
Today, we’ll get to be creative! It can actually be fun to wait! This is what I was thinking when I told my friend I wasn’t ready for my singleness to end. It was almost as if I was saying I’m having too much fun!
My desire to stay single came from a place of knowing that I have meaning in my life. I knew that there was something in my life that I needed to learn in my singleness. Not only would it affect me, but it would help and transform others as well! I was no longer wrestling with my singleness, but rather I was able to see how it was actually a good thing!
Do I still want to get married? Yes! Do I still long for a spouse? Yes! However, I have found that even waiting can be a place that I enjoy and appreciate! I’ve learned St. Paul’s words: “I have learned in whatever state I am to be content therewith.” (Philippians 4:11)
About the Author
About the Author
Beth Kopczyk is a Catholic coach who is passionate about helping single Catholics find meaning and purpose in their life through coaching and prayer. She works in the Marriage Prep and Natural Family Planning office of the Diocese of Phoenix. Amongst her other duties, she enjoys teaching Natural Family Planning. On the weekends, you can find her at the top of a mountain dreaming about the future with a cookie in hand, worship song on her lips or dancing the night away in a thrift store dress. She’d love to connect with you! Reach out via email at firstname.lastname@example.org or www.forthekingdomcoaching.com.
Check out Beth’s interview on the Catholic Coaching Podcast: https://metanoiacatholic.com/transformed-by-singlehood/